Imagine the best sex of your life. Now imagine it getting better.
You are getting on a bit in age and you’re not as active as you used to be in your 20s – sexually or just physically. A lot of ladies nowadays due to their Christian beliefs, practice celibacy before marriage thus will be a bit inexperienced in sexual matters that many of their non-celibate mates will be armed with. There is also a bigger number of ladies that did not ptactice celibacy and would have developed a rich sexual skills set and will be more in tune with their sexuality.
But both groups will have the mutual issue of dealing with their sexuality as they advance in age after marriage. Many women see their sexuality waning in their 30s due to the stress and obligations of rasing a young family coupled with work and other life issues.
But as women approach their 40s. Their kids are older and do not need “mothering” so much anymore. They have more residual energy, more time to look after themselves and many have reported having their sexuality return with much vengeance.
Women – married, celibate unmarried or non-celibate unmarried all have different attitudes and views of sex but all women who are or who eventually become sexually active all have 1 goal in common – to have a good, fulfilling and healthy sex life, and as women get older, more confident and more mature, sex needs to be seen as a key part of life to be developed and improved upon as with every other area – especially those in a lifetime relationship such as marriage.
According to this exclusive report, sex never has to stop becoming hotter. These women reveal how to make sure it happens.
SEX IN YOUR 30s: WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO YOUR SEX LIFE IN YOUR 30S
Testosterone begins to slowly decline (it peaked in your 20s), says sex researcher Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Yet women in their 30s tend to have heightened orgasms. TIP: If you didn’t experiment with self-touch in your 20s, do it now. “This is key for keeping your sex drive going,” says Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., author of Sexual Healing. Try inserting a finger and slowly rubbing at the top of the front wall of your vagina (the “A-spot,” which helps you produce lubrication) for about 10 minutes.
“SEX ISN’T ABOUT IMPRESSING SOMEONE.” -Neena, 32
I definitely have more fun with sex now and am less concerned about impressing someone. I know what feels better for me alone, and how to get the guy to get it right, too. I still have moments when I worry a little bit after sex and wonder, Was that OK? But I think about that much less frequently than I used to.
Being sexy is about being confident, and my sex life has improved now that I’ve tried to stop comparing myself with other women. Women need to focus more on themselves and less on how fat a bottom her ex’s new girlfriend has .Being competitive with other women is ugly, not sexy. I will compliment a woman’s dress at a bar, because her beauty does not detract from mine. You’re at your sexiest when you can say another woman is also sexy.
I also used to think I was lucky if a guy was showing interest in me. Now that I’m older, I think less about “lucky me” and more “lucky him.” Imagine the best sex of your life. Now imagine it getting better. According to our exclusive report, sex never has to stop becoming hotter. These women reveal how to make sure it happens
SEX IN YOUR 40s: WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO YOUR SEX LIFE IN YOUR 40S
Women in their 40s want to have sex more often than younger women do, according to a survey by The Oxygen Network for its new show, Campus Ladies. That said, your vagina begins to lose elasticity and your pelvic floor weakens, so arousal happens more slowly and women may jump to the conclusion that something’s wrong when it’s not, says Monica Rodriguez of the Sexuality and Education Council of the United States.
TIPS: Lubricants can help you reach orgasm faster, says OB/GYN Jean C. Hundley, M.D. Exercises such as yoga and Pilates can also help boost desire and orgasm.
“SEX IS PEACEFUL AND COMPLETE.” -Jodi, 42
When I was younger, I had an insecure, twisted idea of who of your life. Now imagine I was and who I was supposed to be as a woman. As a baby, an accident left me blind and deaf for two years and left permanent scar tissue by my scalp. Other kids teased me and told me I was ugly. Being beautiful, loved, and desirable became really important. I went into modeling and hid the scars with my hair, because I thought it would make me feel more secure if I could prove I was attractive. But I still lacked confidence. Then I thought the perfect relationship would make everything right–I stopped like a deer in headlights for any seemingly interested man. In my late 30s, I married a physically beautiful man. We were very attracted to each other and had great sex. But when I told him I was pregnant, he walked out on me, and he took my money with him. I decided to step up to the plate. I looked up a job contact I had met only once and threw myself into designing a gym for his company. It was a success, and by the time I turned 40, I finally felt financially and emotionally secure. I’d proved that I could care for my daughter and myself on my own. I validated myself, and that was sexy. Now, my sexuality isn’t based on some one else’s approval or my looks.
My confidence makes me feel so much more sexual today than I was five years ago. My ex-husband and I had intense and unbelievable sex, but we didn’t communicate properly or spend quality time together. Now, I understand that being with someone who understands you changes sex drastically.
The sex isn’t that ravenous, animalistic kind; it’s on a deeper level, and it is more peaceful and complete. Don’t get me wrong: I still like insane, rip-off-your-clothes sex. But I don’t think it lasts; it’s a fantasy you create. What’s important to me now is waking up next to someone I really like, not someone who just looks good.
SEX IN YOUR 50s: WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO YOUR SEX LIFE IN YOUR 50S
At menopause, the lining of the vagina thins and you have less natural lubrication. But many women find sex after menopause liberating, since the chance of pregnancy is eliminated. They’re also more likely to engage in masturbation and sexual experimentation, says Susan Kellogg, Ph.D., of the Graduate Hospital Pelvic & Sexual Health Institute in Philadelphia. Just be careful: Women over 55 are in the top three groups of people most prone to HIV infection, says Rodriguez. TIP: Use the woman-on-top position for the most physical arousal, says Keesling. Also, plan to spend more time on foreplay. Older guys aren’t necessarily going to get a spontaneous erection the way younger guys do.
“OLDER WOMEN AREN’T GOING TO JUST LIE THERE IF THEY’RE NOT ENJOYING IT.” -Beverly, 57
I’ve felt very sexy for most of my life, and I’d always gotten interest from men. But in 1997, cancer forced me to have a hysterectomy, and I felt like I disappeared sexually. I was hunched over, I was in pain, and I felt as if I was becoming a “ma’am.” When I was a child, a woman in our neighborhood had a hysterectomy, and I heard other women whispering, “Her husband is cheating on her, and why wouldn’t he? They’ve taken her insides out.” All those old wives’ tales I had heard growing up forced themselves into my head, and I felt as if I had suddenly lost my spark.
So I decided to focus on healing myself, physically and emotionally. As I was getting my life together, gettingfit, and getting back to work, I noticed I felt sexier. To me, the sexiest women are approachable and interesting. It isn’t that sexy women are the prettiest or have the best bodies, but they have the greatest sense of self. Men became interested in me once I started owning myself again.
Now, I get adrenaline rushes that make me feel sexy when I make a good business deal or try something I’ve never done before, like going across a zip line in Costa Rica.
To me, sex gets better with age. I think older women become a little more selfish, in a positive way: They’re not going to lie there if they’re not going to get some pleasure. They know you need to tell a man what turns you on and what he’s doing right. If he’s not turning you on at all, you get rid of him. I would never have done that as a younger woman. And I think many young women won’t do that today, either: Some of them have sex just for the “fun” of it, but they get nothing out of it. If you’re not getting paid for it, and you’re saying it turns you on when it doesn’t, you have low self-esteem. And it’s difficult to have good sex when you have low self-esteem. I think most of us are very insecure for a long time, not just about our sexuality, but also what we’re all about as people. But we get to a point where we can say, “Either you like me or you don’t. It works or it doesn’t.” Older women tend to feel that if we’ve come this far in life, we’re not going to do anything that doesn’t make us feel good about ourselves.
Health problems can take a toll on sexual response especially in older women in their mid 50s and upwards. Diabetes can unfavorably change your hormone levels, medications can reduce arousal, and arthritis can even decrease your ability to have maximal clitoral stimulation.
TIPS: Regular exercise can bump up your sex life if you find your libido sagging. Women who do weight bearing exercises, have good muscle tone, and have good cardiovascular health are not only more likely to be in the physical condition to have sex, but they may be more likely to be in the hormonal condition to do so, too. It’s not too late for women who haven’t made sex a priority to change that now. Keep your pelvic floor alive, by exercising your vagina with a partner or through self-stimulation.
Story by Kate Sullivan