Category: SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

12 Things Your Man Must Do To Show He Is Your Soulmate

He may see like “Mr. Right” on the surface, but is he a keeper?

Some guys will give an outward impression of caring and attention to your needs that seems like it is all too good to be true. But is it genuine? Sometimes, even though all the signs are there, it may be hard to tell or even something that you just don’t want to see even if others may be telling you so.

But if you are being really honest with yourself, here are 12 things that will really tell you that he’s not right for you:

1. You should be integral to his life.

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This means that he shouldn’t just have you around for a good time, but you should be included in every aspect of his life including his family, making career decisions, and sharing his goals and dreams for his future with you.

2. He should put your sexual pleasure above his own.

Being left out of the very height of a sexual moment over and over again because you have a man that puts his own needs first, can not only be frustrating, it can be downright infuriating. This type of chronic selfishness in the bedroom speaks volumes about how much a man puts your overall happiness above his own. This means someone who gets to know you well enough to understand what turns you on and then makes it happen.

3. He cares about how he looks.

If a man makes little or no effort to look good for you, then he not only doesn’t care about what you think, but he doesn’t care about himself very much either. He should show how much he cares by always attempting to present himself in the best way for you and your friends and family. There may be times where he has had a hard day and the effort may be less than effective, but at least you should know that he tries to make you feel proud to be with him.

4. He should be a “modern man”

Any man that sticks to the old-fashioned belief that a woman must do the laundry and cook all the meals isn’t someone who sees you as his equal. It may also be his selfish way of getting out of doing the most mundane chores and leaving them all to you. That is not someone that deeply cares or respects you, your time, and your relationship.

5. He should take the time to plan a date and not just schedule it.

There is a big difference when a man put a solid effort into making a date special as opposed to just writing it in on the calendar and showing up. If you find your man is not only setting up the date but when you show up, he is giving you a unique time and even an adventure every time you are together, then that is someone who cares enough about you to create quality time and moments that you will both always remember.

 

6. He makes an effort to get to know family and friends.

There is hardly a relationship that will stand the test of time if you are with someone who makes a life apart from you when it comes to being around your friends and family members. If he loves you unconditionally, then that means he also sees those around as part of his life as well and gets to know them as people that support you and love you just as he says that he does.

7. He isn’t stubborn about his beliefs.

You may not see eye-to-eye on everything, but someone who truly loves you is willing to compromise on the majority of things that you are also willing to let go if it makes both of you find a happy medium together. Being with a man who constantly wants his own way and literally demands it, is not only a selfish human being but probably a pretty immature one that doesn’t really know the meaning of love.

8. He keeps flirting with you beyond just the first few months.

When the first sparks of desire are there in a man, they tend to go out of their way to get our attention. If a man truly loves you, that same spark of desire will continue throughout your relationship. Yes, it may fade a bit with familiarity over time, but it will remain a constant part of your relationship when you least expect it if a man truly desires and loves you.

9. He shouldn’t be a bum.

If he can’t hold a job, is constantly borrowing money (and not paying it back), and generally can’t seem to get his career going, this is not a man that cares about your future together. He also sees you as a means to support himself as opposed to a life-partner to build a nest-egg together, So, the burden of responsibility for creating financial stability squarely falls on you. Any man who is that immature doesn’t know what a meaningful and loving relationship is all about.

10. His goal should be your happiness.

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No matter what the circumstances are in his life, your man should want to put those aside and focus on your happiness. He should never use stress or financial constraints as an excuse to not try, within reason, to get you everything your heart desires.

11. He should care about his health.

How much does a man really care about you if he is willing to ignore his unhealthy lifestyle and risk leaving you on your own prematurely? If he knows that his actions may cause this outcome and he still does it, then he really doesn’t love you at all. Instead, he should face the reality of his unhealthy ways and work to resolve them to live as long a life with you as he can.

12. He shouldn’t ignore you.

If you are trying to communicate with your man at a reasonable hour of the day or night and a reasonable amount of times, then there should be no reason at all for to ignore your calls or text messages. Someone who truly cares about another human being knowns them well enough that if they try to communicate with them, they need them or just want to tell them that they are thinking of them and love them. If he doesn’t know these things about you and ignores you, then he isn’t a long-term man.

“APost”


 

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After The Heartbreak, Healing Comes When You Let God In

On the 19th of October 2018, I posted on my Facebook wall

“Today would have been my 27th Wedding Anniversary…..💍💍💍
But S**T happens. Not every relationship ends in marriage. And not every marriage last forever.

I Thank God for my ex-husband, Mr Olaide Onanuga Soo Sure. We may not have made it as a couple, but you gave me 3 most fantastic kids and you have been the most excellent co-parent. If I had to do it again, I would not choose anyone else to have my babies with”.

I posted the piece above on my social media wall yesterday but I was not prepared for the avalanche of beautiful and soul lifting words that were left for me and that flooded in. The corporate reaction was the very last thing I expected from a simple expression of the significance of the day to me.

I was seriously overwhelmed me….and I am not ashamed to say that some comments actually brought tears to my eyes.

There are many women out there who have had the same experience as me. Hurt, broken, shamed, humiliated and thrown into years of sorrow and depression. But I only started to heal and move on and grow in inner strength when I let God take over and have control. Trust me, ten or five years ago, I would have never been able to write such words. I would have rather swallowed broken glass and washed it down with a glass of detergent spiced with arsenic….)

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Ok maybe I exaggerate – but what I mean is – I have not always felt “this way” about my ex or my marriage but God opened my heart to forgive and my eyes to appreciate the indestructible beauty that came out of the ashes of my broken marriage: Ololade, Mobolaji & Motolani. The gifts that give more joy than any man or marriage can.

And that is why I cannot hold any grudges against the channel through which those babies came into my life.

HEALING COMES WHEN YOU LET GOD IN

For The Brothers: How Not To Attract A Gold-digger

I cringe everytime I see social media posts by men whingeing and whining about gold diggers and women who have scammed them, taken their money and left them bereft and broken hearted.
I also think of the fair share of men I know that their way to “toast” or court a woman they like, is by offering her a reward of cash and properties such as cars, houses, expensive holidays and designer wears.
Many men like to show off and present themselves as that which they are most definitely not, just to win a woman. The not so affluent ones feign success and accomplishments to attract a woman, and the truly accomplished and affluent ones flaunt their wealth to the woman in the hope that that will make her fall for him.
Unfortunately, this behaviour also makes women believe that you are buying their love and they will not be anything other than an appendage, a bought possession, an accoutrement in your life. Something that can easily be replaced when a more attractive and shinier version comes along.
They will also live with the assumption that while they are in your life and being kept by you, they owe you a great gratitude for being the recipient of your generosity.
There is a great difference between the person who you make to feel like you are doing them a favour by being with them and those who are with you because they feel really needed by you.
 
If you go after someone flashing your wealth and other wordly possessions, then that is all they are going to be attracted to.
Gold-digger
Unless you expose yourself, open up your heart and your true vulnerability to someone, then they are never going to be attracted to the real you.
 
Because the person you never offered your heart to, is never going to feel they will have it at any point, so they go after that which is on offer. Many men make the mistake of thinking that when they offer a woman their wealth and connections, that is enough to make them fall in love.
Like the meaningless adage that says “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, believing that the way to a woman’s heart is through your bank account is also ridiculously false. True you will get some women that way, but don’t for a second believe that that guarantees you her heart. Also, be aware that as soon as the bank account dries up and the connections line breaks, they too are out of the door.
Afterall, that is all you brought them in to get, isn’t it? 
A gold digger – or trophy wife expects the gold to keep coming and once she has become accustomed to that lifestyle, heavens help you if you try to keep her from it.
There are of course, women who deliberately go out seeking the “gold-flasher”. Men with means and money who are out to get women with nothing but their assets, or men who simply want a trophy wife on his arm – or in his bed – a stunning, glamorous young slay queen who needs other people’s money to keep herself in style. So like he who wants to kill and the one who wants to die both meeting –  really, there is no story. Both are happy and satisfied.
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But a man who truly wants a woman who will want him for him, will be a big fool to go after a slay queen, a glamour puss or a gold-digger. And such men who end up getting burnt definitely deserve everything they get. You cannot punch above your weight and not expect to be knocked out!
Unfortunately, these are the whingers and the whiners on social media who have bitten off more that they can chew. Though needing women who can give then real love and care genuinely for them, they have been attracted by shiny, glamorous slay queens who after taking the small change they have flashed, have left their asses for richer gold-flashers!
 
Women are by nature, nurturers.
That is why from the moment a woman gives birth to a tiny little baby, or even from the first moment she feels that tiny flutter in her belly, she is bound to that baby for life. That tiny, innocent, vulnerable, helpless, naked baby that is completely dependent on her for everything – including it’s survival. A mother will do anything and go to any length to keep that baby warm, safe and secure. And the love of a mother for her baby is sacred and unbreakable – even when that child betrays it’s mother or breaks her heart, a mother’s love never dies. Because that love is unconditional and not dependent on any promise or offers from the child.
She gives it freely in response to the baby’s naked vulnerability and dependence on her.
 
So it is also, when a woman feels the genuine vulnerability and honest dependence of another human being – or man, she gives back her all and will do anything to make that person happy. Because she feels needed, wanted and important to that being (or man)
 
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So the next time you see a lady you really want to be with, do not go telling them you will take care of them, or like a father christmas, promise them gifts and money for agreeing to be with you.
 
This is how you attract “golddiggers”
 
But let them feel like they are the only woman in the world and your life is completely incomplete without them in it.
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Convince her that she is your dream woman that you can open and pour your heart out to…and not a trophy that you must win and show off, and she will love you forever. Even when you are broke and penniless.
If you go out flaunting gold, you will surely by all means, attract a gold digger.
BaronessJ

Mental Health Issues Can Have An Impact On Relationships

Unconsummated relationships, where couples don’t have sex due to difficulties, trauma or sexual dysfunction are not often spoken about.

Usually, the couple feel embarrassed to discuss their sexual difficulties – but they are not alone. According to an AXA PPP survey, a third of Brits are fearful of getting naked, largely due to body image and self esteem issues. But nerves around body image aren’t the only reason couples aren’t able to consummate their relationships.

Why aren’t couples having sex? Sarah-Jane Otoo, psychosexual therapist at Priory Wellbeing Centre Birmingham, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Unconsummated relationships including marriages are largely unspoken about and the reasons behind them are often complex. ‘Some of the most common reasons are from a psychological viewpoint and include a general lack of education around sexual intercourse, fear, anxiety, shame and/or past trauma. ‘In addition, sexual dysfunction like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, performance anxiety in males and vaginismus in females has been reported in several studies as well as vulvodynia, an often unbearable pain when the genitals are touched’.

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Relationships expert Ben Edwards expands on this, telling us: ‘Post-traumatic stress and the psychological damage from past sexual abuse, low self-esteem or unhealthy relationships can be very hard to overcome.’ We must not overlook the impact of sexual trauma and mental health issues.

A lady who has bipolar disorder, which dramatically affects her sex drive says. ‘I can sometimes see a decreased or lack of libido, due to my bipolar disorder,’ ‘During periods of depression, she tells Metro.co.uk, my self-esteem tends to plummet.

‘Mixed with decreased energy and an increase in apathy, my body rejects physical intimacy in favour of seeking emotional nourishment. ‘I suffer from frequent bouts of hypersexuality. I am unable to receive any satisfaction from sexual intimacy and am often in pain or discomfort because of this.’

This patient takes medication, but like many taking pills for their mental wellbeing, has found that this has an effect on her sex drive, too. ‘A medication increase has caused me to have loss of libido,’ she explains. ‘Gaining weight from medication has contributed to my struggles.’ For her, the key is being able to communicate with a partner who understands her struggles. ‘Libido changes are a chronic challenge,’ she says. ‘Maintaining open dialogue with my partner has helped to ease the anxiety. ‘Sex is an emotional act as well as physical; we discuss the struggles and have seen progress. Therapy has also been a relief. Our strong emotional connection has allowed us to make it through.’

Another lady says anorexia has brought on issues with intimacy. ‘My body image is awful,’ she tells us. ‘I am embarrassed and ashamed of the way I look and it takes me an extremely long time to feel comfortable with men. ‘It’s been the cause of many of relationships endings. Ironically, my eating disorder started at age 19 in large part due to a guy telling me I was overweight so it’s something I’ve never shaken off.

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Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

‘I had a lot of negative thoughts about my body during sex so wasn’t able to enjoy the moment, don’t enjoy being touched or looked at, and have difficulty relaxing. ‘If I had eaten too much, was having a bad day or  stressed, then the eating disorder symptoms would creep in and I wouldn’t be able to have sex. ‘Counselling has helped me somewhat and taking things very slowly so I build up trust.’

Kate Moyle, a sexual and relationship psychotherapist, explains that anxiety is a common factor for a lack of sex in a relationship. ‘Every couple is unique and will have their own reasons and experiences for not consummating their relationship,’ she tells us. ‘These situations are often linked to some form of anxiety around sex which can in some instances impact sexual functioning.

Some people may struggle with intimacy.’ For Sarah, 35, who has borderline personality disorder, that anxiety comes from a lack of self-confidence as well as a lingering shame around sex. ‘My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 12,’ Sarah tells us. ‘I always felt very prudish talking about sex due to my family background, before, during or after. ‘I was told not to have sex before marriage, so it always felt dirty and wrong. ‘My mental health issues mean my self confidence is rock bottom. I’m at my heaviest weight and although occasionally I enjoy sex, I mainly do it so he doesn’t leave me. ‘We had marriage counselling which helped for a while, but nothing really helps. ‘My husband manages to stay with me. He says he misses not having more sex but he says it would never be a cause to leave me. I wish I could be more confident.’ So what can you do if you need help with psychosexual issues? The main remedies are psychosexual therapy, counselling and working on communication, touch and intimacy. (Picture: Erin Aniker/Metro.co.uk)

Sarah Jane Otoo says: ‘It is important to remember that not one person in the relationship has the “problem”; you are both impacted. Psychosexual relationship therapy can be beneficial to help support couples that are experiencing problems with sex. ‘People may choose to enter therapy individually; however  it is often advised for couples to enter therapy together. By giving them a safe and confidential space, they may be able to come to a place of understanding.’ Ben Edwards recommends understanding each other’s reasons for a lack of sexual desire or drive, and to avoid blame or shame. ‘When working with my clients on their relationships, I  encourage them to understand each other’s “why”,’ he states. ‘We all have our reasons for wanting certain things and you must communicate this to your partner.

 

By Eleanor Segall. Published in https://metro.co.uk 

For Adults And Matured Minds Only: 9 Great Benefits Of A Good Orgasm

An orgasm is a feeling of intense sexual pleasure that happens during sexual activity. … In women, an intense pleasurable release of sexual tension is accompanied by contractions of the genital muscles.

Many who are by now well used to the idea of having an orgasm after sex will also know that you don’t need a reason to have an orgasm. Organisms are glorious natural parts of sex and should be celebrated.

But in case you did need an excuse, here’s one plus a load more. Orgasms come with a number of health benefits of orgasms we’ve listed below.

 

1 Stress Reduction

An orgasm is an instant stress reducer That’s because reaching climax floods your body with feelgood hormones such as oxytocin, which reduce stress. Plus the process of reaching an orgasm distracts you from any worries or lingering things on your to-do list. It’s tricky to worry about how full your inbox is when your, um, filling your other inbox.

 

2. It’s good for your skin

Having an orgasm increases blood flow to the skin, which will help with reducing wrinkles and repairing damage. Brilliant. The reduction of stress we mentioned earlier helps too, as a reduction of stress hormones lowers inflammation, which is connected to acne and redness. Immediately after an orgasm you’ll get a glow thanks to getting your blood bumping, and longterm you could have smoother, blemish-free skin (although, sadly, no research has yet been done into how many orgasms you need to have to match the benefits of an excellent skincare routine).

 

3. Orgasms can get rid of headaches And other aches and pains.

That’s thanks to the pleasure hormones released by orgasms – dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin – which also handily reduce the sensation of pain. Just a warning though: Some people find that orgasms actually bring on headaches. It’s thought this is due to strenuous activity, and you can deal with any postcoital headaches by popping a painkiller before a bone sesh and following up your lovemaking with a drink of water and a lie-down. Sexy.

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4. They could help with migraines

Anyone who’s been through the hell of migraines will jump for anything that promises to reduce the struggle. While we wouldn’t suggest swapping medication for sex (if your medication is working for you, please keep using it), the links between orgasms and migraine relief are promising enough to make sex an option when nothing else is doing the trick. In one study, 47% of people with migraines felt complete relief after an orgasm. That being said, 49.1% felt no relief, and 5.3% said an orgasm made their migraine worse. So it’s a bit of a gamble. Researchers compared the benefits of orgasm to that of medications and found that orgasms are a significantly less effective fix, but that when they do work to reduce migraine symptoms, they do so speedily. Worth a go, right?

 

5. Having an orgasm will help you get to sleep

We all know sleep is incredibly important for our physical and mental wellbeing – so anything that helps us ease into sleep is brilliant. Again, this benefit is all down to the hormones released by orgasm. Stress reduction will always help with sleep, while serotonin and norepinephrine – both released by orgasm – are important players in helping the body go through REM cycles. Research has also found that the better your sleep is, the better your sex life is, so it’s a lovely symbiotic relationship. (backgrounds have been changed)

 

6. Getting off can help your digestion

Yep, it’s that oxytocin again. The body is aaaall connected, and having increased oxytocin levels and lower levels of stress will mean your tummy works better, too. Congrats.

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7. Orgasms aid muscle recovery

That’s thanks to the increased blood flow brought on by orgasm, and it’s why we recommend anyone training for a marathon spends some time having sex (alone or with a partner) on their rest days. Increased blood flow will ease aching muscles and help the body recover from exercise more quickly, so treat yourself to an orgasm post-workout.

 

8. An orgasm can help you avoid infections

The hormones triggered by blowing the old sex trumpet boost your immune system, increasing your body’s ability to make protective antibodies against bacteria and germs linked to common illnesses. That means that having plenty of orgasms will offer you some protection from getting sick, and will make your cold last a little less time than someone not buttering their crumpet. Of course, you can’t treat your body like rubbish, whack in a few sex sessions, and expect to never get sick again. No orgasm is powerful enough to counteract a terrible diet, a lack of sleep, and having vaccinations. But if a bug’s going round the office, it’s worth spending some time at home masturbating.

 

9. It’s good for your heart

When you have an orgasm, your peak heart rate tends to be the same as it would be during light exercise, such as walking upstairs. That’s nothing major, but it’s a little boost for your heart health. The physical exertion used to get you to orgasm helps, too.

 

Published in metro.co.uk by Ellen Scott

 

 


 

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT PARENTAL AND SOCIETAL RESPONSIBILITY IN OUR KIDS MARRIAGES

We parents with grown kids really need to start teaching our children that tolerance or submission is not expecting your spouse to be happy with all kinds of foolishness and acts of irresponsibility you can throw at them and then express hurt and disappointment when they react.

Nowadays all I seem to hear is that a woman must tolerate her husband’s carelessness, irresponsibility, disloyalty, unfaithfulness and even neglect – for her to remain happy in her marriage.

The Biblical scripture about a woman’s submission to her husband has also been both hijacked and mis-appropriated to support this widely accepted but wholly erroneous belief.

First, pardon my ignorance, but who can remain happy in the face of all that negativity? We don’t expect to tolerate such behaviour or treatment in the workplace. Why then do we demand that it should be tolerated at home?

Secondly what happened to “it takes 2 to tango; 2 to make a marriage?”

The responsibility for the success of any partnership should rest firmly in the hands of both parties with each doing their bit and fair share of the work.

Our society has single handedly destroyed the institution of marriage by laying all onus on the wife to keep the home,  while exonerating men of ALL responsibility and giving them a carte blanche to act and behave with impunity and total disregard for their marriage vows, their homes and their responsibilities.

Many men want to be husbands by “ego” and not by effective leadership qualities.

They claim that because the Bible says they are the “head of the home”, then that gives them the right to do whatever pleases them and not expect to be questioned or admonished.

A man that routinely beats his wife or regularly cheats on her will accuse her of betrayal when she decides to leave him.

I have also seen men accuse their wives of nagging at the very slightest audacity she displays in asking her own husband something as simple as “why are you coming home this late?” “or who was that woman you were chatting with for hours?”  as if it is a crime for a wife to ask such pertinent questions from her own husband…

I shudder when I see the treatment some people dish out to their spouses. Which makes me conclude that love in marriage is highly overrated as many will not treat a verminous rodent the same way they treat the spouse they claim to love!

Unfortunately women today, are responding to their husbands irresponsibility not with the stoic acceptance of their grandmother – but with the deadly sting of an angry scorpion.

Under favourable conditions,  a woman will respond with soft warmth and adoring devotion to her husband. But an embittered wife can be dangerous and deadly!

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Women today are demonstrating that what their wayward and promiscuous husbands can do, they can do 100 times better. Not content to just sit at home playing good wifey with the kids, they too are out of the door, right on the heels of their husbands, playing Social Media slay queen, classless socialite and married prostitute that even Delilah would be jealous of!

Many married women drive expensive cars that their husbands didn’t buy….or that their salary cannot in any way stretch to. And regularly go on expensive non-existent “business trips” and “seminars” outside the country in the company of imaginary work-mates.

A great number of married men are ignorantly cruising around town in the expensive jeep bought by their wives “side-man”

A growing number of married men are ignorantly raising kids fathered by other men and playing hosts to all kinds of  strange “uncles” and long lost “cousins” in their own homes.

Women, when their dark sides are unleashed, can beat men at their own game. Even until destruction.

“Hell has no fury like a woman scorned”, the Bible says.
Any man who will mistreat his wife in this day and age, does so purely at his own risk!

A beautiful expensive wedding is no guarantee for a happy or successful marriage.

Here in the UK, many of the high class eyewateringly expensive society-weddings-of-the-year, break down within the same year mainly because the ladies are simply not willing to tolerate the rubbish and nonsense their mothers and grandmothers tolerated; staying lonely, neglected and unhappy in a marriage that wasn’t fulfilling their needs just for the sake of being a “Mrs” or to avoid the “divorcee” stigma and shame.

Free from the shackels of the ever present in-laws and judgemental society, UK African wives will waste no time in kicking out a husband who is not pulling his weight as head of the family – not for any other reason than that a lot of these ladies grew up seeing their own mothers being seriously maltreated and treated as doormats and subjugated beings at the hands of their fathers.

Many of them will tell you that they long ago made the vow never to allow themselves to be subjected to such treatment as their mums.

As a result, what we see is a continuous coming together of 2 immature people who are desirous to get married – but not yet ready to settle down and BE married. And age, is by no meant an indication of one’s readiness for marriage.

That one is 25 or even 30 does not mean they are ready to settle down. But you can find a 21 year old who is more matured and more responsibility minded.

Unfortunately many of us parents push and pressurize our kids into marriage once they get to a certain age – whether or not they are actually ready.

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And marriage should most definitely not be seen as a cure for promiscuity or irresponsibility. Such people will only continue being promiscuous and irresponsible in their marriage thus causing much distress and heartache for their spouses.

We know of the parents of many spoilt, uncouth, unruly and loose kids more or less bullying them to find wives or husbands in the hope that they will abandon their wayward ways once they are married.

It is entirely wrong to assume that marriage will bring about a change in lifestyle. That change should have occurred before one enters into marriage. The decision to change and settle down should come before the decision to get married and not the other way round.

And it also must be a personal and sincere one.

Ladies should also realise that not every marriage proposal must be accepted. A boyfriend that was mostly unfaithful and disloyal to you while you were dating will almost definitely continue the habit after you are married.

The same goes for a boyfriend who beats you and slaps you around.

And a lazy, materialistic, gobby girlfriend is not suddenly going to change just because you put a ring on her finger.

Parents should learn to be courageous enough and reserve the right to withhold their permission for their child’s wedding, if they don’t think they are matured enough to handle the responsibility that comes with marriage. And they have to be honest with themselves both for the sake of their child as well as the other child leaving their parents’ home and tying their lives to your kid’s.

It is our duty as patents to re-orientate our thoughts about marriage and educate our individual children about marital responsibilities when they are younger. Not leaving it to when they are young adults, set in their ways with questionable characters and hope someone else’s presence in their lives will change them. Neither should it be the responsibility of strangers or pastors to counsel the couple weeks before the wedding. Kids should be trained and prepared for marriage right from their teens, by their parents.

 

And the notion that only the girl-child needs to be prepared for marriage is an old, unhelpful, outdated idea that has unwittingly resulted in many bad marriages. Our parents got it wrong in only training daughters and instilling in them, the necessity of being a good wife and housekeeper whose main purpose is to keep her husband happy, while blindly forgetting that boys also need to be educated on being a good husband, leader and protector responsible for his wife and kids’ welfare, happiness and security.

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And worse still, many parents are simply too busy in their own individual lives to be able to give serious life or social skills training to their kids. The desperate lack of these basic skills unfortunately follow many kids into marriage.

And our intervention in our kids lives once they are married, should be kept to the barest minimum.

Harsh as it may sound, visits should be by invitation only and not simply turning up whenever the desire takes us! And that is mostly for us mothers.

Many tense situations in some marriages are often highlighted and made worse by the presence of a parent – especially and most often a mother intent on protecting her “baby” (???)

Marriage is finishing with singleness, selfishness and childishness. Not an extension of it. Anyone going into marriage should not expect to continue to enjoy the freedom of singleness because once you are married, your life is not just your own anymore. You are henceforth permanently tied, linked and joined to another person – your spouse, and subsequently, your kids.

And whatever you do, uttermost priority must be given to your spouse’s welfare, feelings, security, happiness and care.

And that, not from one, but from both sides.

Copyright

Baronessj.com


Why Women Are Uncomfortable Getting Head If They Haven’t had A Shower

If you’re sexually active,  and not incredibly selfish, you’ll probably recognise the two situations I’m about to describe. They’re situations in which people of two different genders are offered oral sex. (We’ve gone for him/her because it’s the most common sexual orientation, but that’s not to suggest it’s the most valid).

Scenario A Him: I want to go down on you Her: No thanks, I haven’t showered since this morning. Him: Okay. Shall we just have sex? (This dialogue isn’t the finest showcasing of my talent with words, but you see the point.)

Scenario B Her: I want to go down on you. Him: Cool. That’s the thing about having a vagina. You spend a lot of your life worrying that it smells ‘wrong’.

Somewhere around puberty girls start to believe that everyone else’s vagina smells like Chanel Number 5, and that hers is somehow gross for having a natural human odour. This then creates a situation where women don’t want to have sex, let alone oral sex, if they haven’t showered super recently. Personally I’m unlikely to be able to relax enough to orgasm unless I’ve showered in the last six hours, and I haven’t done anything that might make me sweat, and definitely haven’t been wearing tights (not very breathable for the old vag).

Blokes, however, seem a lot less bothered about this. There’s lots for boys to worry about in puberty – size being the main consideration – but there doesn’t seem to be the same levels of revulsion and obsession with cleanliness. Which might be why almost every woman you know will have a story about a smelly, unclean penis.

In all my blowjob giving years, I’ve never heard a man tell me he can’t get head because he hasn’t showered yet. If a blowjob is on the menu, it’s usually going to be ordered, shower or no shower. And most of the time, that’s not a problem. A bit of a smell of sweat is even quite sexy.

oral sx

I’m inclined to say that men have got it right on the topic of oral sex. Obviously no-one should be letting their genitals go feral, and regular showering is important, but it’s also beneficial not to be prissy about sex. Your genitals will probably have a scent to them, and you might have sweat a bit. That’s okay. It’s natural and human and not going to do anyone any harm.

The best kind of sex happens when you’re uninhibited, not worried about smelling, tasting, looking or sounding weird. The more comfortable you make your partner feel, the better it’s going to be.

So, ladies, next time you’re offered oral sex and you’re in the mood and inclined to accept, why not do so, even if you haven’t showered since that morning?

And blokes, if your partner tells you no with the caveat that she hasn’t showered, why not let her know that you don’t mind? Of course you should never push anyone to do anything that they’re uncomfortable, but saying ‘I really don’t mind that you haven’t showered’ gives your partner the opportunity to decide whether it’s their concerns about odour which are putting them off, or whether they’re just not comfortable at all.

Also, please remember that if you have a vagina, sticking the shower head on it before having sex is a bad idea. It might remove any odour, but it will also strip you of natural lubricant and can play havoc with your vagina’s ph, making you vulnerable to infection.

 

Metro.co.uk