Category: Just Musings

The Truth Hurts: Nigerians Need To Look Closer To Home

I am so proud and will always be proud to be British – born and mostly bred.
But I am also Naija to the core.

I understand both of my worlds – completely.

Barely 24 hrs after the Tory party election for a new PM, ministers were announced and they got straight to work.

No thanksgiving
No aso ebi for owambe victory parties🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
No stupidly flamboyant eagles square swearing-in ceremony
No dilly-dallying for months around self seeking ego filled Godfathers BEFORE you can appoint your own commissioners or ministers.
No hordes of “special assistants” made up of mistresses, drop out cousins, drinking buddies and olodo children!

My fellow Nigerians whose country is gradually melting down the abbys of economic oblivion are sitting at their laptops, glued to their phones criticizing the leader of a WORKING DEVELOPED COUNTRY.

The reason many of us hate PM Boris Johnson is because of the tag of racism we have stuck on him. Admittedly, BoJo gets carried away and is prone to exaggeration.

He also sometimes talks too much. And he probably also loves his country too much. But since when did loving your country or talking too much become a crime?

Our own leaders in Nigeria might want to emulate that quality of loving your country above yourself!!!

Unfortunately folks who talk too much inadvertently say some things which even if not entirely wrong, can come across as nasty – often taken as racism if coming from a white fellow.

And tell me, as stinginly hurtful as the words of the PM about us, which almost every other leader of the Western world is thinking about Nigeria(ns) but too much of a coward to say out loud (except Trump) might sound, tell me which one of them is untrue?

Past sneaky PM David Cameron did not mince words when he described us in what was meant to be a whispered conversation as “Fantastically corrupt”. Unfortunately, that whisper was picked up by microphones on live TV and beamed across the world! Nigerians almost shite ourselves castigating and vilifying “Dagenham Dave” for his words.

But was he wrong?

My dear friend Ayo Akinfe in this morning’s edition of his daily writes-up spoke about Boris while inserting interesting tags such as xenophobic, inept, doomed to fail etc, also in the same article called on or rather made it a mandatory obligation for the new PM to drive investors towards Nigeria citing the example of Siemens who have launched a power producing plant and the Chinese who are building a transformer manufacturing plant.

These are good developments….

But these are new investors.

The possible reason Britain is not encouraging investment could be past bitter experience of dealing with Nigerians. If they built a wind turbine farm stretching from Badagry to Calabar, like Ayo suggested, Nigerians will steal the blades in one month! Every single blade!!

And let us look at just a few of Nigerians’ work ethics:
*Lazy workers who will turn up at work when they please and steal materials and funds from their employers?
*Educated but painfully illiterate workforce who will not read, talkless of trying to understand simple instructions?
*Or greedy employees who will bribe potential clients out of their eyeballs before even as much as a penny…sorry Naira has dropped into their employers coffers???
*Rude workers who see their positions as a favour to clients
*Nauseating customer service
*Lying, scheming, cheating, ritualistic, sycophantic, superstitious and over religious tendencies

Should I continue???

Here in the UK, Nigerians in the 90s almost single handedly broke the welfare benefits system, housing, credit card and Euro cheques banking system – to mention just a few.

Is it just fine if we say or know these things to be true about ourselves, but a crime when someone else says it??

Nigerians – we are like a 60 year old man with only 1 eye which is also riddled with astigmatism & glaucoma, pointing fingers at a man with 2 eyes with a tiny little speck in one of them.

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We Nigerians MUST look at ourselves both as a nation and as individuals and find out why the world hates us so much.

I bet you won’t need to look far. Unfortunately, we are not honest people.

Not with others
Not with ourselves

The truth, they say is a bitter pill to swallow.

Our Little Girls Need Better Role Models

I am a huge fan of Nigerian Afrobeats queen Ms Tiwalade Savage.

Like many women my age and younger, I love her to a fault.

I love her songs and even know the lyrics to most of them. She is not only highly talented and intelligent. She is also flawlessly beautiful.

She is also a strong female role model that many little girls look up to and aspire to be – whether she asked to be or not.

Because the moment you step up to the centre stage, public or world platform, you become a role model. An inspiration and mentor to many. Even those you don’t know or would ever have the slightest conversation with will admire you and want to emulate you. Rightly or wrongly.

But it pains me when I see our little girls’ role models garbed in slutty, trashy and almost non existent outfits in order to publicize or promote themselves. And it does not matter whether they are on stage, at an awards event or a magazine photoshoot.

Last week, a picture emerged of serial tennis champion Serena Williams proudly exposing her naked bottom cheek on the front cover of a top fashion magazine. And recently, music queen Beyonce appeared in a dress that opened up all the way down, right from her pubic area.

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TS’s recent picture donning a pair of shorts that not only left very little to the imagination, but also completely ripped at the back, exposing her naked bottom has left many scratching their heads in confused amazement.

I, am in no way or by any means a prude. Yes, I am a practising, active Christian but I also believe in liberality – within reason and in moderation.

I believe a woman can and should be free to showcase her self and her beauty to the fullest and in the best way possible. But I draw the line at nudity. Sexiness is not about being reduced to porn star levels. Neither does nudity portray your beauty – or talents.

Ironically, Tiwa, Beyonce and Serena are all married women with little kids.

They are also highly accomplished, awards, accolades and trophies winners with enormous talent between them. These are more than enough to speak for them without them lifting a finger…or even posing for a phone camera selfie.

Why then do they need near nudity to showcase themselves?

Is is that there are some underlying self confidence issues? Some inferiority complex that tells them if they don’t go naked, the world will not take notice of them?

It seems many of the pictures of certain black female celebs you see today, they are all competing to outdo themselves in the nudity stakes. Why do you see the male stars fully dressed and all covered up, but the women almost completely naked?

Is there some problem that I don’t know of, that affects female performance if they have clothes on?

I don’t think so.

In these “me too” days, we are hoping that the days of women not being blackmailed or coerced into sex in exchange for jobs or movie roles are behind us (wishful thinking, I know)

Unfortunately, many up and coming young women in diverse industries may still find they have to give their bodies in exchange for opportunities, regardless of their talents.

But what can we say of the already fully established ones?
While you may no more be conducting your auditions on the “casting couch”, you are still in a way selling sex for recognition.

You are telling the world that Tiwa, Beyonce or Serena – or indeed, any talented young girl cannot be accepted unless the world catches a glimpse of their nipple, ass or vagina!

@BaronessJ


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Declutter Your Network, Filter Out The Chaff From Your Life

Not everyone you know is meant to be in your life.
At any point in time, many people will flow into your life but many of them will leave just as quickly as they came.
Some you will block out. Others will leave on their own accord.

But those who are meant to be there, will never go away.

No one CAME into this world with anyone. But some are heaven sent & appointed to be in your support network.

Ordinary folks who will be the only ones who will have that particular thing you need at any particular time. Could be provision of encouragement, words of comfort, custodian & keeper of your secrets, rescue from a sticky situation including but not limited to financial crises, connections with or introduction to other cause helpers…
The list is endless.

No man is an island. No one is meant to stand alone. We are all created to inter-connect with others and be each others helper.

But people are specially appointed for specific roles…and sent into the lives of specific person(s).
And each of us have our own specific Personal angels, Destiny helpers, God sents.

Learn to recognise yours…. and
be grateful for them.

But you must also filter out the wheat from the chaff in your life. Those who really have nothing to offer you or anything positive to add to your life.

Such people are only around for what they can get from you: good/fun times, juicy gossip about other people and pieces of valuable information that they can use against you in future. Remember, these set of people can wine, dine and even pray with you. But when your chios are down, they will be the first in line and in the front row to scream “crucify him/her”!!!

These are simply “fair weather friends”

Get rid of them now. You don’t need them and you can never rely on them. Your secrets are like common commodities in their hands. Up for sale to any bidder.

And any help they render you, you will pay back – with great interest.

Other fair-weather friends will simply lay in wait, quietly out of sight. But at the first whim of your troubles – they suddenly come to life!

They are the Judas Iscariots, the Peters (before his repentance) the Tobiahs and Sanballats. Frenemies.

No-one needs them. But we all have them. Weed them out today.

Declutter your network and eliminate the dormant presences…so they don’t occupy the valuable space meant for valuable people.

Or quietly ferment in your life and eventually poison it with their toxicity.

Baronessj.com

My Anger At The African Community On Our Gross Apathy And Lack Of Action Towards Knife Crime

I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!

A few months ago when I ran the anti gangs, guns & knife campaign, organised marches, seminars, etc, MANY OF YOU FROM OUR COMMUNITY could not be bothered to respond or turn up.

Before the matter became the “serious situation” we now know, I started to talk about the issue of knife crime among our kids via my Blogsite and on my radio show “Baroness Js World on Naija FM” – from 2017.

I turned myself into a common nuisance trying to sensitize our people and open your eyes to what was happening to our kids, and to mobilize us to publicly show our collective moral outrage at the increasingly alarming number of Black/African/Nigerian/Yoruba boys being stabbed to death on the streets of London, but so many of you turned your faces the other way and shut your ears.

“AFTERALL, IT IS NOT MY CHILD. JUST DRUG DEALERS, JAMO KIDS, AND SONS OF SINGLE PATENTS WHO PROBABLY DESERVE IT” was the attitude of very many of you.

Many times, I visited and recorded from scenes where our kids had been murdered – sometimes late at night and early in the morning – just to make you all see the seriousness of the problem and bring home the reality of the involvement of our kids – both as victims as well as perpetrators of violent crime.

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I spent thousands of my personal funds (with a tiny amount donated by just a handful of friends and supporters) to put on programs to bring our people together but you ignored my calls and apart from a few empty words on facebook, you mostly pretended it was not your problem. In fact, I was accused by some of you of whipping up fear and anxiety. Some even went as far as reporting me to FB getting me blocked a few times!

I organised a safeguarding seminar at the Woolwich Library and invited God so called community leaders, many council officials, school heads, teachers, police officers – but only a handful of African parents could be bothered to attend.

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I put on a total of three peaceful protest marches but on 2 occasions, there were less than 20 of us who could be bothered to show up. The third one, I simply cancelled because I did not think it was worth the effort.

I even spent my personal funds to organise a dinner for the same purpose but what a waste of time and money that turned out to be.

I am totally and utterly disappointed in our community, and every single one of you that now has the audacity to say no one is doing anything about the problem.

WHEN THE CALL WENT OUT TO JOIN US IN DOING SOMETHING, WHAT DID YOU DO???

Our people will attend weddings, birthdays and all kinds of “Owambe” parties even of people the don’t know – just for a plate of jollof rice, and spray 00s of dollars at musicians who don’t know them. But will not spare a few hours to attend events where our kids’ lives are being discussed.

And then there and the African fathers who will attend clubs, every week from Thursday to Sunday, spending 00s of pounds on champagne, brandy and all kinds of drinks for even strange women, and then a few pounds more on seedy hotel rooms to go with their “friend” for the night but when it comes to community events, they claim they were not invited and will never donate just £10 to help organisations.

I have heard more moans from African men over the past 11 months than in my entire life! Grown men blaming mothers for our boys killing each other in the streets or being involved in gangs.

Like the Biblical Adam blamed everyone else but himself for actions God accused him of, so also are our fathers refusing to take any blame in the matter at hand. With the exception of just a handful of community leaders and activists, the faces of African fathers have been shockingly scarce in the entire anti-knife crime campaign picture. They claim “it is a women only thing” or “they were not invited” or “they feel pushed out”

Our men need to start to realise that it is not about them. But our kids’ lives!

My aim for running the knife crime awareness campaign was to get us to get up and work together as a community and find solutions to the problem facing us. My resignation from CANUK (with apologies to my former colleagues on the executive as they are all still my friends) was as a direct result of the failure of the leadership to see the importance or need for the programs I had planned and pull together to support me.

I get so upset nowadays when I see folks jumping on the bandwagon and organising yet another empty “conference” to talk about knife crime with no clear strategy or policy in place. Many of the so called organisers can not even mention names of just 2 of the kids who have been killed through knife stabbings yet they call themselves campaigners!!!!

I remember when I produced the comprehensive list of Nigerian boys who had lost their lives, I was accused by many of you of making things up to boost my blog views.

One woman from my church actually boldly said to my face she had to Google the names to verify my story!

I get really angry in my spirit when I see yet another idiot (pardon me) saying no one in the African community is doing anything when these same folks failed to respond to all the calls we made for their involvement and support.

My sista Daizy Ajisefini and her business partner Kashif Da Flash twice, at the cost of thousands of pounds, hired a London tour bus for another Anti Knife and Gun campaign.

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Almost no one turned up – on both occassions!

One friend constantly bugged me for months to send my account details so they can make a donation to my organisation MAGAKC. I eventually gave the details. NOTHING.

And another well meaning sista contacted me with info that they wanted to “give me award” for the work I had done in this area – but then started to bug me about bringing a specific number of people to the event and buying tickets for them.

I realise that a few toes will feel stepped upon by this post, but it will also show the level of anger I had been harbouring.

To God be the Glory, my own kids are safely tucked away out of London and by His grace will not fall victim to any kind of violent attack. But I feel for parents who have not been so lucky. And I weep each time I read the news or see images of another young life being stolen from the blade of a knife or machette. No parent should have to go through this pain.

Preventing this is what has been my motivation. But the process has to be a joint and collective effort. But when those you reach out to, pointedly ignore you, then wail and complain about nobody doing anything – that gets me really angry.


Like my page: https://www.facebook.com/MAGAKC/


By
Baroness Olajumoke Ariyo – Anti Knife Crime Campaigner
Founder SADE
Founder Mothers Against Gangs, Guns And Knife Crime (MAGAKC)

After The Heartbreak, Healing Comes When You Let God In

On the 19th of October 2018, I posted on my Facebook wall

“Today would have been my 27th Wedding Anniversary…..💍💍💍
But S**T happens. Not every relationship ends in marriage. And not every marriage last forever.

I Thank God for my ex-husband, Mr Olaide Onanuga Soo Sure. We may not have made it as a couple, but you gave me 3 most fantastic kids and you have been the most excellent co-parent. If I had to do it again, I would not choose anyone else to have my babies with”.

I posted the piece above on my social media wall yesterday but I was not prepared for the avalanche of beautiful and soul lifting words that were left for me and that flooded in. The corporate reaction was the very last thing I expected from a simple expression of the significance of the day to me.

I was seriously overwhelmed me….and I am not ashamed to say that some comments actually brought tears to my eyes.

There are many women out there who have had the same experience as me. Hurt, broken, shamed, humiliated and thrown into years of sorrow and depression. But I only started to heal and move on and grow in inner strength when I let God take over and have control. Trust me, ten or five years ago, I would have never been able to write such words. I would have rather swallowed broken glass and washed it down with a glass of detergent spiced with arsenic….)

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Ok maybe I exaggerate – but what I mean is – I have not always felt “this way” about my ex or my marriage but God opened my heart to forgive and my eyes to appreciate the indestructible beauty that came out of the ashes of my broken marriage: Ololade, Mobolaji & Motolani. The gifts that give more joy than any man or marriage can.

And that is why I cannot hold any grudges against the channel through which those babies came into my life.

HEALING COMES WHEN YOU LET GOD IN

For The Brothers: How Not To Attract A Gold-digger

I cringe everytime I see social media posts by men whingeing and whining about gold diggers and women who have scammed them, taken their money and left them bereft and broken hearted.
I also think of the fair share of men I know that their way to “toast” or court a woman they like, is by offering her a reward of cash and properties such as cars, houses, expensive holidays and designer wears.
Many men like to show off and present themselves as that which they are most definitely not, just to win a woman. The not so affluent ones feign success and accomplishments to attract a woman, and the truly accomplished and affluent ones flaunt their wealth to the woman in the hope that that will make her fall for him.
Unfortunately, this behaviour also makes women believe that you are buying their love and they will not be anything other than an appendage, a bought possession, an accoutrement in your life. Something that can easily be replaced when a more attractive and shinier version comes along.
They will also live with the assumption that while they are in your life and being kept by you, they owe you a great gratitude for being the recipient of your generosity.
There is a great difference between the person who you make to feel like you are doing them a favour by being with them and those who are with you because they feel really needed by you.
 
If you go after someone flashing your wealth and other wordly possessions, then that is all they are going to be attracted to.
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Unless you expose yourself, open up your heart and your true vulnerability to someone, then they are never going to be attracted to the real you.
 
Because the person you never offered your heart to, is never going to feel they will have it at any point, so they go after that which is on offer. Many men make the mistake of thinking that when they offer a woman their wealth and connections, that is enough to make them fall in love.
Like the meaningless adage that says “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, believing that the way to a woman’s heart is through your bank account is also ridiculously false. True you will get some women that way, but don’t for a second believe that that guarantees you her heart. Also, be aware that as soon as the bank account dries up and the connections line breaks, they too are out of the door.
Afterall, that is all you brought them in to get, isn’t it? 
A gold digger – or trophy wife expects the gold to keep coming and once she has become accustomed to that lifestyle, heavens help you if you try to keep her from it.
There are of course, women who deliberately go out seeking the “gold-flasher”. Men with means and money who are out to get women with nothing but their assets, or men who simply want a trophy wife on his arm – or in his bed – a stunning, glamorous young slay queen who needs other people’s money to keep herself in style. So like he who wants to kill and the one who wants to die both meeting –  really, there is no story. Both are happy and satisfied.
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But a man who truly wants a woman who will want him for him, will be a big fool to go after a slay queen, a glamour puss or a gold-digger. And such men who end up getting burnt definitely deserve everything they get. You cannot punch above your weight and not expect to be knocked out!
Unfortunately, these are the whingers and the whiners on social media who have bitten off more that they can chew. Though needing women who can give then real love and care genuinely for them, they have been attracted by shiny, glamorous slay queens who after taking the small change they have flashed, have left their asses for richer gold-flashers!
 
Women are by nature, nurturers.
That is why from the moment a woman gives birth to a tiny little baby, or even from the first moment she feels that tiny flutter in her belly, she is bound to that baby for life. That tiny, innocent, vulnerable, helpless, naked baby that is completely dependent on her for everything – including it’s survival. A mother will do anything and go to any length to keep that baby warm, safe and secure. And the love of a mother for her baby is sacred and unbreakable – even when that child betrays it’s mother or breaks her heart, a mother’s love never dies. Because that love is unconditional and not dependent on any promise or offers from the child.
She gives it freely in response to the baby’s naked vulnerability and dependence on her.
 
So it is also, when a woman feels the genuine vulnerability and honest dependence of another human being – or man, she gives back her all and will do anything to make that person happy. Because she feels needed, wanted and important to that being (or man)
 
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So the next time you see a lady you really want to be with, do not go telling them you will take care of them, or like a father christmas, promise them gifts and money for agreeing to be with you.
 
This is how you attract “golddiggers”
 
But let them feel like they are the only woman in the world and your life is completely incomplete without them in it.
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Convince her that she is your dream woman that you can open and pour your heart out to…and not a trophy that you must win and show off, and she will love you forever. Even when you are broke and penniless.
If you go out flaunting gold, you will surely by all means, attract a gold digger.
BaronessJ

Just Musing: Black On Black Hatred Is Worse Than Racism

Yesterday I had a chat with a 95 year old Caucasian lady who asked me, the way only an old White person can, how I feel when I encounter racist behaviour or treatment..

Actually, her real words were “How does it make you feel when my people are horrible to your lot…?

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My answer to her was “the way I get treated by some fellow black people can be far worse and more hurtful than any racist treatment”

Personally, I believe racism is just another form of hatred from a naturally hateful person but directed to folks of a different tribe or race. If you studied many so called racists, you would also find misogyny, bigotry, sexism, and most likely ageism. Racism is just one of their inbred traits and behavioral patterns.

And once you realise this, coupled with the knowledge that the average white person will never really see a black person as their equal, one would become oblivious to racist behaviours directed at them – and I have had loads, especially in the workplace, which I mostly ignore.

However, I must hasten to add, in case I am misunderstood, that many Whites or Caucasians are great accommodating colour-blind folks who see and treat everyone Black, White or Asian  – the same.

But Black-On-Black hatred is another form of racism and I have in my 52 years, encountered more of it than White-On-Black racism. In my experience, the racist treatment I have been subjected to is child’s play compared to hatred that I have faced or received at the hands of my fellow black people – even those who claimed to “love me”.

We only need to look  at African nations to see a blatant proof of this. African leaders treat their people worse than dogs and many of the white slave masters of old will learn plenty from them! And let us not forget that slavery would not have been possible without the complicit cooperation and involvement of other African chiefs, slave catchers and slave traders who gladly and willingly sold their fellow Africans for guns, ammunition and other Western “niceties”.

African men on average have a great hatred for their womenfolk and I mean African or black women.

This can be readily gleamed from the way many African men talk about their women which shows a complete lack of respect and total disregard for black women in general. And many husbands treat their wives like something they scrapped off their shoe. Like second class underlings and not as their partners or equal.

I have had chats with some African men espoused to White women – and what they have to say to justify their choices will make you cry.

And the African tradition has been the great originator and purveyor of this idea. ironically, the culture that was meant to protect African women has been twisted to the men’s advantage and used as a vehicle to enforce women subversion.

But more ironically, it is thanks to White culture or Western Civilisation that African women are being educated, being accepted and involved in the workplace, developing and owning careers and leading big businesses and nations and having a voice in public affairs.

If African men were to have their way, black women will still be tied to the kitchen stove, spewing out babies and working their bones senseless on the farms – and still expected to perform perfunctory wifely duties.

Look at the example of gang membership here in London. Those that have recently been in the news are all Black youth gangs. Anyone alive today will not need telling just how much damage these boys inflict upon fellow black boys in the name of rivalry and post codes wars.

And then there are the black religious leaders.  Many of them, particularly and sadly Christian preachers of Pentecostal or “Black Churches” as they are more commonly known, have turned away from the Gospel of Christ and made the pulpit a self-aggrandisement, self enriching, entrepreneurial venture.

Many blackmail, manipulate and guilt-trip their hard pressed and often poor and struggling congregation members into parting with their almost non existent resources whilst they get richer, more affluent and more connected.

It is only a blackman that will sell hard and dangerous drugs to a fellow black man while knowing fully well the effects of these substances on the mind and body.

It is only an African man that will sell talcum powder mixed with God knows what and pass it off as baby formula!

And it is only a black person who will in the name of patronising black businesses, like they are doing you a great favour, offer to pay a fellow black man £40 for a £400 service or good – or even in extreme cases, expect to get goods and services for free. Amazingly, this will never ever be attempted with a Black or Asian business man

There is no race as divided and as self hating as the Black race. This is what makes us rich picking and easy target for white supremacists and racists.

We black people hate ourselves more that any hateful white person can ever hate us. And if we can’t love ourselves, how can others love us?

Until we black people learn to unite among ourselves, love ourselves; fight and work together, care for ourselves and truly be each other’s keeper, then the work racists will continue to be very easy indeed.