A remember a post from 3 years ago, when I reached my golden milestone, and was taking a serious look at my life….
The wrong choices, relationships, commitments, partnerships, acquaintances, unions, etc can have seriously negative impacts on your life and if care is not taken, they can completely and irrevocably derail your destiny.
Many people are existing in positions far below their potentials, wasting away on minimum productivity and annoyingly low paid jobs – when they are meant to be highflyers! They are living as the tail when God made them to be the head, toiling under some tiresome supervisor or manager – when they are meant to be heads and leaders! All as a result of seriously wrong choices & terribly wrong decisions….
My own wrong choices set my life back by about 30 years. But thank God for his mercy, I believe things are getting right back on track🙏🏽
Let us advise our kids well. It is not about when you marry. But how well you do.
One more thing…
There comes a time or times in your life that you step out, set yourself some difficult tasks & challenges. Then you sit back and do yourself proud as you go on and conquer them
How to Overcome Challenges and Obstacles:
1 Move with Positive Thinkers….
2 Go Back to Your Roots. Rediscover your childhood dreams and work towards making them come true…
3 Don’t Give Up, Keep Trying…
4 Change Your Thoughts–Meditate on the Right Things. …Positivity
5 Change your Perception Towards Challenges. … They are not meant to break you but strengthen you
6 Do not Overwork Yourself–Outsource, delegate. …
7 Make Tenacity your Friend….
8 Never take NO for an answer
9 Develop the habit of giving back. It will always ….come back to you
Those that do not have passion, drive, dedication or commitment – can never understand it in others. They see it as you “taking over” rather than hard work & diligence. And even though they cannot do the hard work, they resent, undermine & criticize those that can…and do.
There is a pressing need for us parents to sit down with our kids, and seriously educate them about the reality of life.
We as parents, need to sensitize them to the fact that life is about UPS as well as DOWNS – both of which they will experience many times throughout their adolescent, teenage and adult lives. Life is not a bed of roses and no one is guaranteed a life of happy ever after. Roses have thorns. and unhappiness also comes after or before happiness.
Let us teach young people that no particular DOWN moment will be their last, and that UP moments do not last forever. It is highly imperative for them to learn the need to move on from any snags or bumps in the road and not stop and stand wallowing in self pity.
Our kids need to be taught to be more mental and cerebral instead of emotional. Many of the kids we are bringing up are much too highly sensitive and emotional, relying more on the dictates of their soft and gentle hearts – instead of engaging and using their brain to make logical decisions while dealing with issues.
This is the main reason why we have so many young people falling into depression and attempting/committing suicide over minor issues such as a girl leaving them or failing exams.
I might also, at great risk of high criticism, add that this could be the reason we have such a huge rate of youth violence and killings…. because aggrieved youths do not stop and THINK logically of the consequences of their actions…but rush out and dangerously act on whatever their current emotional reaction is dictating (anger, fury, jealousy, disappointment, betrayal, or even fear)
The lack of social education in Generation “X” kids is unfortunately leaving them lacking important life skills needed to deal with changing or unpredictable life situations and circumstances and unbelievably, the government and school authorities seem more intent to educate them about sex, than more important and useful social and life skills!
Kids who are overly emotional also struggle academically because they are failing to engage their brain….and spend their days agonising about problems, rather than thinking of solutions.
And cogent, intelligent, rational, logical and strategic ideas almost never emerge from emotional thoughts. Such ideas will only come out of a mental, cerebral, intelligent thought process.
If so many of our young ones are struggling with minor issues of life at such young ages, how then will they cope with adulthood and the myriad of daily issues, responsibilities and problems that come with it? (work, marriage, marital problems, kids, unending bills, debts, family issues, faith struggles, failing health, etc etc)
I recently had a long chat with a troubled youth I had been mentoring. Prone to constant feelings of depression and bouts of crying over minor issues, this youngster, in their early twenties, also had problems making friends and had been struggling academically. Had no hobbies or interests, and engaged in no physical activities whatsoever. And of course, they spent every moment worrying about these problems – until I pointed out the obvious solution to them: Being more active, going out more, thinking of what they enjoy and going out where like minded people will be; making a conscious effort to socialise and talk to people; taking up and sticking to a physical activity such as running, and basically/ practically shaking off that depressing feelings of melancholy when it approaches, rather that welcoming and sitting alone in miserable isolation, embracing it and of course, adopting a more positive attitude towards “things”
It is a choice that needs conscious efforts.
But making these suggestions are simply not enough. This kind of intervention is a process that must be followed up with several sessions of encouragement and assessment to ensure the youth is progressing, and not reverting back to their old depressive ways. Some of them may require professional help and possibly medical intervention.
But they must not be neglected or ignored and assumed as “That’s how s/he is”
That type of assumption could be dangerous.
If you have a teenager who does not talk or mix….. and is content to lock them self up in their room in isolation, THAT, is a warning sign and a possible precursor to more problems in adulthood.
But the problem is many parents – or responsible adults have little or no time to intervene in their charges lives. Also, many of us lack the necessary skills to recognise that there is a problem. A troubled youth will manifest them self in different ways: either to shut them self off from the world and be erroneously classed as quiet, reserved homebody….or act up in frustration and be classed troublemaker – especially in the school environment. Either way, anyone charged with the responsibility of looking after a child either as a parent, teacher, or youth worker must be able to pick up the signs when a youngster is troubled – and engage the necessary intervention, before the kid spirals into more serious trouble, or grow into an even more troubled – and damaged adult.
Sometimes, all that is needed is a frank, sympathetic but direct talk.
And grouping troubled kids together in some referral unit, is simply a dumb idea. They will feed off each others’ emotions and frustrations and become “brothers in frustration”, embarking on more troublesome ways to let off or act up their inner troubles. This is exemplary of many street gangs who go around committing violent crimes – just for the sake of it, and out of the misplaced justification that no one cares about them!
Ideally, each troubled youngster should be dealt with separately, according to each individual and unique needs. Alas, we live in the real world where ignorance and lack of interest in kids welfare seems paramount. Kids are more readily punished for crimes at later stages than being earlier treated for problems that could lead them down the path of crime.
And those who do not make it into crime, grow up to be highly troubled adults – violent, under-performing, self centred underachieving abusive, narcissistic, and passive aggressive partners, parents or employees. All character traits that stem from emotional troubles at childhood.
Parents, take a closer and more active responsibility for your kids.
I am so proud and will always be proud to be British – born and mostly bred.
But I am also Naija to the core.
I understand both of my worlds – completely.
Barely 24 hrs after the Tory party election for a new PM, ministers were announced and they got straight to work.
No aso ebi for owambe victory parties🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
No stupidly flamboyant eagles square swearing-in ceremony
No dilly-dallying for months around self seeking ego filled Godfathers BEFORE you can appoint your own commissioners or ministers.
No hordes of “special assistants” made up of mistresses, drop out cousins, drinking buddies and olodo children!
My fellow Nigerians whose country is gradually melting down the abbys of economic oblivion are sitting at their laptops, glued to their phones criticizing the leader of a WORKING DEVELOPED COUNTRY.
The reason many of us hate PM Boris Johnson is because of the tag of racism we have stuck on him. Admittedly, BoJo gets carried away and is prone to exaggeration.
He also sometimes talks too much. And he probably also loves his country too much. But since when did loving your country or talking too much become a crime?
Our own leaders in Nigeria might want to emulate that quality of loving your country above yourself!!!
Unfortunately folks who talk too much inadvertently say some things which even if not entirely wrong, can come across as nasty – often taken as racism if coming from a white fellow.
And tell me, as stinginly hurtful as the words of the PM about us, which almost every other leader of the Western world is thinking about Nigeria(ns) but too much of a coward to say out loud (except Trump) might sound, tell me which one of them is untrue?
Past sneaky PM David Cameron did not mince words when he described us in what was meant to be a whispered conversation as “Fantastically corrupt”. Unfortunately, that whisper was picked up by microphones on live TV and beamed across the world! Nigerians almost shite ourselves castigating and vilifying “Dagenham Dave” for his words.
But was he wrong?
My dear friend Ayo Akinfe in this morning’s edition of his daily writes-up spoke about Boris while inserting interesting tags such as xenophobic, inept, doomed to fail etc, also in the same article called on or rather made it a mandatory obligation for the new PM to drive investors towards Nigeria citing the example of Siemens who have launched a power producing plant and the Chinese who are building a transformer manufacturing plant.
These are good developments….
But these are new investors.
The possible reason Britain is not encouraging investment could be past bitter experience of dealing with Nigerians. If they built a wind turbine farm stretching from Badagry to Calabar, like Ayo suggested, Nigerians will steal the blades in one month! Every single blade!!
And let us look at just a few of Nigerians’ work ethics:
*Lazy workers who will turn up at work when they please and steal materials and funds from their employers?
*Educated but painfully illiterate workforce who will not read, talkless of trying to understand simple instructions?
*Or greedy employees who will bribe potential clients out of their eyeballs before even as much as a penny…sorry Naira has dropped into their employers coffers???
*Rude workers who see their positions as a favour to clients
*Nauseating customer service
*Lying, scheming, cheating, ritualistic, sycophantic, superstitious and over religious tendencies
Should I continue???
Here in the UK, Nigerians in the 90s almost single handedly broke the welfare benefits system, housing, credit card and Euro cheques banking system – to mention just a few.
Is it just fine if we say or know these things to be true about ourselves, but a crime when someone else says it??
Nigerians – we are like a 60 year old man with only 1 eye which is also riddled with astigmatism & glaucoma, pointing fingers at a man with 2 eyes with a tiny little speck in one of them.
We Nigerians MUST look at ourselves both as a nation and as individuals and find out why the world hates us so much.
I bet you won’t need to look far. Unfortunately, we are not honest people.
I am a huge fan of Nigerian Afrobeats queen Ms Tiwalade Savage.
Like many women my age and younger, I love her to a fault.
I love her songs and even know the lyrics to most of them. She is not only highly talented and intelligent. She is also flawlessly beautiful.
She is also a strong female role model that many little girls look up to and aspire to be – whether she asked to be or not.
Because the moment you step up to the centre stage, public or world platform, you become a role model. An inspiration and mentor to many. Even those you don’t know or would ever have the slightest conversation with will admire you and want to emulate you. Rightly or wrongly.
But it pains me when I see our little girls’ role models garbed in slutty, trashy and almost non existent outfits in order to publicize or promote themselves. And it does not matter whether they are on stage, at an awards event or a magazine photoshoot.
Last week, a picture emerged of serial tennis champion Serena Williams proudly exposing her naked bottom cheek on the front cover of a top fashion magazine. And recently, music queen Beyonce appeared in a dress that opened up all the way down, right from her pubic area.
TS’s recent picture donning a pair of shorts that not only left very little to the imagination, but also completely ripped at the back, exposing her naked bottom has left many scratching their heads in confused amazement.
I, am in no way or by any means a prude. Yes, I am a practising, active Christian but I also believe in liberality – within reason and in moderation.
I believe a woman can and should be free to showcase her self and her beauty to the fullest and in the best way possible. But I draw the line at nudity. Sexiness is not about being reduced to porn star levels. Neither does nudity portray your beauty – or talents.
Ironically, Tiwa, Beyonce and Serena are all married women with little kids.
They are also highly accomplished, awards, accolades and trophies winners with enormous talent between them. These are more than enough to speak for them without them lifting a finger…or even posing for a phone camera selfie.
Why then do they need near nudity to showcase themselves?
Is is that there are some underlying self confidence issues? Some inferiority complex that tells them if they don’t go naked, the world will not take notice of them?
It seems many of the pictures of certain black female celebs you see today, they are all competing to outdo themselves in the nudity stakes. Why do you see the male stars fully dressed and all covered up, but the women almost completely naked?
Is there some problem that I don’t know of, that affects female performance if they have clothes on?
I don’t think so.
In these “me too” days, we are hoping that the days of women not being blackmailed or coerced into sex in exchange for jobs or movie roles are behind us (wishful thinking, I know)
Unfortunately, many up and coming young women in diverse industries may still find they have to give their bodies in exchange for opportunities, regardless of their talents.
But what can we say of the already fully established ones?
While you may no more be conducting your auditions on the “casting couch”, you are still in a way selling sex for recognition.
You are telling the world that Tiwa, Beyonce or Serena – or indeed, any talented young girl cannot be accepted unless the world catches a glimpse of their nipple, ass or vagina!
Not everyone you know is meant to be in your life.
At any point in time, many people will flow into your life but many of them will leave just as quickly as they came.
Some you will block out. Others will leave on their own accord.
But those who are meant to be there, will never go away.
No one CAME into this world with anyone. But some are heaven sent & appointed to be in your support network.
Ordinary folks who will be the only ones who will have that particular thing you need at any particular time. Could be provision of encouragement, words of comfort, custodian & keeper of your secrets, rescue from a sticky situation including but not limited to financial crises, connections with or introduction to other cause helpers…
The list is endless.
No man is an island. No one is meant to stand alone. We are all created to inter-connect with others and be each others helper.
But people are specially appointed for specific roles…and sent into the lives of specific person(s).
And each of us have our own specific Personal angels, Destiny helpers, God sents.
Learn to recognise yours…. and
be grateful for them.
But you must also filter out the wheat from the chaff in your life. Those who really have nothing to offer you or anything positive to add to your life.
Such people are only around for what they can get from you: good/fun times, juicy gossip about other people and pieces of valuable information that they can use against you in future. Remember, these set of people can wine, dine and even pray with you. But when your chios are down, they will be the first in line and in the front row to scream “crucify him/her”!!!
These are simply “fair weather friends”
Get rid of them now. You don’t need them and you can never rely on them. Your secrets are like common commodities in their hands. Up for sale to any bidder.
And any help they render you, you will pay back – with great interest.
Other fair-weather friends will simply lay in wait, quietly out of sight. But at the first whim of your troubles – they suddenly come to life!
They are the Judas Iscariots, the Peters (before his repentance) the Tobiahs and Sanballats. Frenemies.
No-one needs them. But we all have them. Weed them out today.
Declutter your network and eliminate the dormant presences…so they don’t occupy the valuable space meant for valuable people.
Or quietly ferment in your life and eventually poison it with their toxicity.
A few months ago when I ran the anti gangs, guns & knife campaign, organised marches, seminars, etc, MANY OF YOU FROM OUR COMMUNITY could not be bothered to respond or turn up.
Before the matter became the “serious situation” we now know, I started to talk about the issue of knife crime among our kids via my Blogsite and on my radio show “Baroness Js World on Naija FM” – from 2017.
I turned myself into a common nuisance trying to sensitize our people and open your eyes to what was happening to our kids, and to mobilize us to publicly show our collective moral outrage at the increasingly alarming number of Black/African/Nigerian/Yoruba boys being stabbed to death on the streets of London, but so many of you turned your faces the other way and shut your ears.
“AFTERALL, IT IS NOT MY CHILD. JUST DRUG DEALERS, JAMO KIDS, AND SONS OF SINGLE PATENTS WHO PROBABLY DESERVE IT” was the attitude of very many of you.
Many times, I visited and recorded from scenes where our kids had been murdered – sometimes late at night and early in the morning – just to make you all see the seriousness of the problem and bring home the reality of the involvement of our kids – both as victims as well as perpetrators of violent crime.
I spent thousands of my personal funds (with a tiny amount donated by just a handful of friends and supporters) to put on programs to bring our people together but you ignored my calls and apart from a few empty words on facebook, you mostly pretended it was not your problem. In fact, I was accused by some of you of whipping up fear and anxiety. Some even went as far as reporting me to FB getting me blocked a few times!
I organised a safeguarding seminar at the Woolwich Library and invited God so called community leaders, many council officials, school heads, teachers, police officers – but only a handful of African parents could be bothered to attend.
I put on a total of three peaceful protest marches but on 2 occasions, there were less than 20 of us who could be bothered to show up. The third one, I simply cancelled because I did not think it was worth the effort.
I even spent my personal funds to organise a dinner for the same purpose but what a waste of time and money that turned out to be.
I am totally and utterly disappointed in our community, and every single one of you that now has the audacity to say no one is doing anything about the problem.
WHEN THE CALL WENT OUT TO JOIN US IN DOING SOMETHING, WHAT DID YOU DO???
Our people will attend weddings, birthdays and all kinds of “Owambe” parties even of people the don’t know – just for a plate of jollof rice, and spray 00s of dollars at musicians who don’t know them. But will not spare a few hours to attend events where our kids’ lives are being discussed.
And then there and the African fathers who will attend clubs, every week from Thursday to Sunday, spending 00s of pounds on champagne, brandy and all kinds of drinks for even strange women, and then a few pounds more on seedy hotel rooms to go with their “friend” for the night but when it comes to community events, they claim they were not invited and will never donate just £10 to help organisations.
I have heard more moans from African men over the past 11 months than in my entire life! Grown men blaming mothers for our boys killing each other in the streets or being involved in gangs.
Like the Biblical Adam blamed everyone else but himself for actions God accused him of, so also are our fathers refusing to take any blame in the matter at hand. With the exception of just a handful of community leaders and activists, the faces of African fathers have been shockingly scarce in the entire anti-knife crime campaign picture. They claim “it is a women only thing” or “they were not invited” or “they feel pushed out”
Our men need to start to realise that it is not about them. But our kids’ lives!
My aim for running the knife crime awareness campaign was to get us to get up and work together as a community and find solutions to the problem facing us. My resignation from CANUK (with apologies to my former colleagues on the executive as they are all still my friends) was as a direct result of the failure of the leadership to see the importance or need for the programs I had planned and pull together to support me.
I get so upset nowadays when I see folks jumping on the bandwagon and organising yet another empty “conference” to talk about knife crime with no clear strategy or policy in place. Many of the so called organisers can not even mention names of just 2 of the kids who have been killed through knife stabbings yet they call themselves campaigners!!!!
I remember when I produced the comprehensive list of Nigerian boys who had lost their lives, I was accused by many of you of making things up to boost my blog views.
One woman from my church actually boldly said to my face she had to Google the names to verify my story!
I get really angry in my spirit when I see yet another idiot (pardon me) saying no one in the African community is doing anything when these same folks failed to respond to all the calls we made for their involvement and support.
My sista Daizy Ajisefini and her business partner Kashif Da Flash twice, at the cost of thousands of pounds, hired a London tour bus for another Anti Knife and Gun campaign.
Almost no one turned up – on both occassions!
One friend constantly bugged me for months to send my account details so they can make a donation to my organisation MAGAKC. I eventually gave the details. NOTHING.
And another well meaning sista contacted me with info that they wanted to “give me award” for the work I had done in this area – but then started to bug me about bringing a specific number of people to the event and buying tickets for them.
I realise that a few toes will feel stepped upon by this post, but it will also show the level of anger I had been harbouring.
To God be the Glory, my own kids are safely tucked away out of London and by His grace will not fall victim to any kind of violent attack. But I feel for parents who have not been so lucky. And I weep each time I read the news or see images of another young life being stolen from the blade of a knife or machette. No parent should have to go through this pain.
Preventing this is what has been my motivation. But the process has to be a joint and collective effort. But when those you reach out to, pointedly ignore you, then wail and complain about nobody doing anything – that gets me really angry.
Like my page: https://www.facebook.com/MAGAKC/
Baroness Olajumoke Ariyo – Anti Knife Crime Campaigner Founder SADE Founder Mothers Against Gangs, Guns And Knife Crime (MAGAKC)