Category: Just Musings

For The Brothers: How Not To Attract A Gold-digger

I cringe everytime I see social media posts by men whingeing and whining about gold diggers and women who have scammed them, taken their money and left them bereft and broken hearted.
I also think of the fair share of men I know that their way to “toast” or court a woman they like, is by offering her a reward of cash and properties such as cars, houses, expensive holidays and designer wears.
Many men like to show off and present themselves as that which they are most definitely not, just to win a woman. The not so affluent ones feign success and accomplishments to attract a woman, and the truly accomplished and affluent ones flaunt their wealth to the woman in the hope that that will make her fall for him.
Unfortunately, this behaviour also makes women believe that you are buying their love and they will not be anything other than an appendage, a bought possession, an accoutrement in your life. Something that can easily be replaced when a more attractive and shinier version comes along.
They will also live with the assumption that while they are in your life and being kept by you, they owe you a great gratitude for being the recipient of your generosity.
There is a great difference between the person who you make to feel like you are doing them a favour by being with them and those who are with you because they feel really needed by you.
If you go after someone flashing your wealth and other wordly possessions, then that is all they are going to be attracted to.
Unless you expose yourself, open up your heart and your true vulnerability to someone, then they are never going to be attracted to the real you.
Because the person you never offered your heart to, is never going to feel they will have it at any point, so they go after that which is on offer. Many men make the mistake of thinking that when they offer a woman their wealth and connections, that is enough to make them fall in love.
Like the meaningless adage that says “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, believing that the way to a woman’s heart is through your bank account is also ridiculously false. True you will get some women that way, but don’t for a second believe that that guarantees you her heart. Also, be aware that as soon as the bank account dries up and the connections line breaks, they too are out of the door.
Afterall, that is all you brought them in to get, isn’t it? 
A gold digger – or trophy wife expects the gold to keep coming and once she has become accustomed to that lifestyle, heavens help you if you try to keep her from it.
There are of course, women who deliberately go out seeking the “gold-flasher”. Men with means and money who are out to get women with nothing but their assets, or men who simply want a trophy wife on his arm – or in his bed – a stunning, glamorous young slay queen who needs other people’s money to keep herself in style. So like he who wants to kill and the one who wants to die both meeting –  really, there is no story. Both are happy and satisfied.
But a man who truly wants a woman who will want him for him, will be a big fool to go after a slay queen, a glamour puss or a gold-digger. And such men who end up getting burnt definitely deserve everything they get. You cannot punch above your weight and not expect to be knocked out!
Unfortunately, these are the whingers and the whiners on social media who have bitten off more that they can chew. Though needing women who can give then real love and care genuinely for them, they have been attracted by shiny, glamorous slay queens who after taking the small change they have flashed, have left their asses for richer gold-flashers!
Women are by nature, nurturers.
That is why from the moment a woman gives birth to a tiny little baby, or even from the first moment she feels that tiny flutter in her belly, she is bound to that baby for life. That tiny, innocent, vulnerable, helpless, naked baby that is completely dependent on her for everything – including it’s survival. A mother will do anything and go to any length to keep that baby warm, safe and secure. And the love of a mother for her baby is sacred and unbreakable – even when that child betrays it’s mother or breaks her heart, a mother’s love never dies. Because that love is unconditional and not dependent on any promise or offers from the child.
She gives it freely in response to the baby’s naked vulnerability and dependence on her.
So it is also, when a woman feels the genuine vulnerability and honest dependence of another human being – or man, she gives back her all and will do anything to make that person happy. Because she feels needed, wanted and important to that being (or man)
So the next time you see a lady you really want to be with, do not go telling them you will take care of them, or like a father christmas, promise them gifts and money for agreeing to be with you.
This is how you attract “golddiggers”
But let them feel like they are the only woman in the world and your life is completely incomplete without them in it.
Convince her that she is your dream woman that you can open and pour your heart out to…and not a trophy that you must win and show off, and she will love you forever. Even when you are broke and penniless.
If you go out flaunting gold, you will surely by all means, attract a gold digger.

Just Musing: Black On Black Hatred Is Worse Than Racism

Yesterday I had a chat with a 95 year old Caucasian lady who asked me, the way only an old White person can, how I feel when I encounter racist behaviour or treatment..

Actually, her real words were “How does it make you feel when my people are horrible to your lot…?


My answer to her was “the way I get treated by some fellow black people can be far worse and more hurtful than any racist treatment”

Personally, I believe racism is just another form of hatred from a naturally hateful person but directed to folks of a different tribe or race. If you studied many so called racists, you would also find misogyny, bigotry, sexism, and most likely ageism. Racism is just one of their inbred traits and behavioral patterns.

And once you realise this, coupled with the knowledge that the average white person will never really see a black person as their equal, one would become oblivious to racist behaviours directed at them – and I have had loads, especially in the workplace, which I mostly ignore.

However, I must hasten to add, in case I am misunderstood, that many Whites or Caucasians are great accommodating colour-blind folks who see and treat everyone Black, White or Asian  – the same.

But Black-On-Black hatred is another form of racism and I have in my 52 years, encountered more of it than White-On-Black racism. In my experience, the racist treatment I have been subjected to is child’s play compared to hatred that I have faced or received at the hands of my fellow black people – even those who claimed to “love me”.

We only need to look  at African nations to see a blatant proof of this. African leaders treat their people worse than dogs and many of the white slave masters of old will learn plenty from them! And let us not forget that slavery would not have been possible without the complicit cooperation and involvement of other African chiefs, slave catchers and slave traders who gladly and willingly sold their fellow Africans for guns, ammunition and other Western “niceties”.

African men on average have a great hatred for their womenfolk and I mean African or black women.

This can be readily gleamed from the way many African men talk about their women which shows a complete lack of respect and total disregard for black women in general. And many husbands treat their wives like something they scrapped off their shoe. Like second class underlings and not as their partners or equal.

I have had chats with some African men espoused to White women – and what they have to say to justify their choices will make you cry.

And the African tradition has been the great originator and purveyor of this idea. ironically, the culture that was meant to protect African women has been twisted to the men’s advantage and used as a vehicle to enforce women subversion.

But more ironically, it is thanks to White culture or Western Civilisation that African women are being educated, being accepted and involved in the workplace, developing and owning careers and leading big businesses and nations and having a voice in public affairs.

If African men were to have their way, black women will still be tied to the kitchen stove, spewing out babies and working their bones senseless on the farms – and still expected to perform perfunctory wifely duties.

Look at the example of gang membership here in London. Those that have recently been in the news are all Black youth gangs. Anyone alive today will not need telling just how much damage these boys inflict upon fellow black boys in the name of rivalry and post codes wars.

And then there are the black religious leaders.  Many of them, particularly and sadly Christian preachers of Pentecostal or “Black Churches” as they are more commonly known, have turned away from the Gospel of Christ and made the pulpit a self-aggrandisement, self enriching, entrepreneurial venture.

Many blackmail, manipulate and guilt-trip their hard pressed and often poor and struggling congregation members into parting with their almost non existent resources whilst they get richer, more affluent and more connected.

It is only a blackman that will sell hard and dangerous drugs to a fellow black man while knowing fully well the effects of these substances on the mind and body.

It is only an African man that will sell talcum powder mixed with God knows what and pass it off as baby formula!

And it is only a black person who will in the name of patronising black businesses, like they are doing you a great favour, offer to pay a fellow black man £40 for a £400 service or good – or even in extreme cases, expect to get goods and services for free. Amazingly, this will never ever be attempted with a Black or Asian business man

There is no race as divided and as self hating as the Black race. This is what makes us rich picking and easy target for white supremacists and racists.

We black people hate ourselves more that any hateful white person can ever hate us. And if we can’t love ourselves, how can others love us?

Until we black people learn to unite among ourselves, love ourselves; fight and work together, care for ourselves and truly be each other’s keeper, then the work racists will continue to be very easy indeed.




Contrary to what many of us would like to believe either of ourselves, or of others – ordinary citizens or people are not much different from the politicians in our midst. Especially in the area of loyalty.
Without desiring to write a long drawn out essay on this topic, I would simply like to write on my reflection of what I have seen being played out on social media.
Loyalty, one of the most hallowed of human qualities, is one that is alien to most politicians. And this we see being demonstrated daily in our nation’s polity even here in the UK.
From the days of Tony Blair when hundreds of newbie Labour MP’s who rode on the tailcoat of Tony’s stratospheric popularity to earn a seat they otherwise would never in a million years have had the luck of getting in the House of Commons, including the eternally ineffective Gordon Brown, who eventually signalled the downfall of the Labour government, stabbed Tony in the back and turned away from him in their droves in light of the ill-informed Iraq War and the doctored WMD report that still haunts the former PM even till today.
And then there is Theresa May, the current UK Prime Minister.
Many times, I as a feminine, wonder if the woman cries herself to sleep every night…not with the barrage of daily insults, hostility and lack of co-operation or support from colleagues, ministers, MPs, civil servants, the press etc. And that is just from her own party, the Conservative Party.
Not to talk of open hostility from opposition, Labour, Lib Dems, SDP etc… and of course the Europe ministers in the middle of this regrettable Brexit negotiations.
How the woman copes, I simply just do not know!
But as a fifty-something British Born who’s lived more than two-thirds of my life in the UK, I have maybe just 2 or 3 times heard of someone defecting from one political party to another!!!

Party membership and party loyalty is more or less for life, regardless of how displeased people are with their leader or representative.

And even ordinary citizens, rather than vote for another party if they have issues with their own side, will rather not vote at all.
Look at the Americans with their current President.
I am extremely certain that many in the Republican party are in no uncertainty about just how much of a liability and embarrassment Trump is. No need to go into details about that. I’m sure everyone is familiar with his daily un-presidential and undignified goings-on.
But in spite of Trump’s daily show of embarrassment to the Republicans and even to the great American nation, I am yet to hear of any news of defection or changing of party allegiance.
But that is in the Western world, where things are done with class, decorum and in an orderly fashion.
Let us bring it down to Nigeria.
A country where your party is your home and your party colleagues are your brothers and sisters until something or someone gores your ox.
Allegiances are changed as frequently as most ladies change their underwear (not all of us do) And your “brother” today becomes overnight, your sworn enemy – simply over a disagreement or difference of opinion. Or over a simple matter of denial of access to public of funds for personal spending!
And the party you call your “home” today, suddenly becomes
In fact you can deduce the very character of many of our politicians and the way they would treat their wives, children, friends from the way they treat the party they “belong” to.
Politicians have no iota of that basic human trait called loyalty and Nigeria has a super-breed of no qualms, disloyal politicians judging by the tsunamic proportion of defections and decamping going on at the moment. Many of them even come with downright criminal entitlements and rights. How in God’s Holy name can it be ok for a Senate President or State Governor to defect from a political party without resigning from the post or relinquishing the position he got voted into, under the ticket of the party he has just decamped from and is very happy to go about slandering or tainting???
And this is supported by our constitution???
The authors of our so called constitution forgot to add that anyone in elected public office must first step down and resign from his post if he decides to leave the political party who gave him the ticket to the post. WHAT A TRAVESTY!!!
Do you know that in the UK, politicians, (MPs, Ministers, Councillors etc) when grieved or even accused of any wrong doing, will very rarely if ever, resign from their party. But they will almost always step down from the post – even when they do not have to.
Think Boris Johnson.
A Nigerian would have gone round all the parties – with the sheer barage of daily criticism our BOJO faces!
Nigerian politicians do not have such qualms.
And even after defecting or decamping, they will not spare any breath vilifying, insulting, demonising, castigating the party they just left – while still holding on to the highly placed post they got voted into through that party….!!
And then are the paid, foot soldiers and loud mouthed social media commentators with not much honour or substance – if any at all!
I know some that almost came close to kissing the feet of the president 3 or 4 years ago…
Today, they are in front of the queue of those screaming “crucify him, crucify him”!!
How quickly their support and allegiances have shifted and changed. If your man or candidate does not perform to your expectation, is that enough reason to shift sides and stand with his opponents? I am under no illusion that the expectation of many who supported the presidency of Buhari, including myself, has been somewhat diminished. Many who expected a miracle in under 4 years have been seriously disappointed and even that can be understood…
Rightly or wrongly, we expected a little too much of this current administration in too little time, and we have kind of been let down. However, that, whether we believe it or not, is all our fault.
But to suddenly join the legion of die-hard opponents, sworn enemies and the camp of those who milked the nation dry, and in 16 years, brought the entire country to it’s feet, calling the President ugly names and posting highly derogatory comments about him on social media, does not show any strength of character at all – in my books. Surely, you can demonstrate your displeasure without necessarily changing sides and siding with “the enemy”
That, my friend, speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and it is not attractive at all.
I have quite a number of such folks who belong in my network or that I call friends.
Surely, they can do the same to me….
As for me, Olajumoke, I am neither here nor there when it comes to party politics in Nigeria.
I however, am a Buhari sympathiser and a Buhari supporter. Die hard..? I don’t know.
But compared to his predecessor, I have always and still believe he is a better choice – EMPHATIC YES
Do I believe Buhari has performed to expectation? No. And I also personally believe he should see out his term but step down at the end of it and hand over to someone younger, more energetic, more decisive and more in touch with the mood of the electorate.
But that, will NEVER,EVER, make me go on every platform available and join voices with his “enemies” to rain undignifying abuses and curses on him. That is not in my nature.
For me, LOYALTY, is everything.
Olajumoke Ariyo

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Dear friend,

Remember, no matter what “shitty” place you could be in right now, it is almost certain you’ve probably been in worse, more soul destroying, terribly overwhelming, “shitty” situations – but suprise, suprise!! it didn’t kill you!

You are still standing.
You are still alive.
You overcame.

Guess what, friend – you will overcome again: because you have Jesus Christ, the Overcomer In Chief on your side!

John 16:33 says so.
So come on, smile, chin up and cheer up. The battle is the Lord’s

Good morning my dear fellow conquerors


Calling A Politician “Prostitute” Is An Insult To The Profession

Sexual prostitutes have more integrity than politicians particularly Nigerian ones.

With a prostitute:

●What you see is what you get. You know exactly who they are. No 2-face.

●They will only serve 1 client at a time.

●You pay-they perform.

●They will never over-charge or short change you

●And if they can’t ‘do you’ they won’t take your money.

●Their loyalty to their customers is unshakeable.

●A prostitute only belongs to 1 pimp

●A prostitute well never leave till the job is done and she will make sure you get your money’s worth

●A prostitutè cares about her reputation and her client’s satisfaction.

Can you say the same about Nigerian politicians?

Calling our politicians prostitutes is a great insult to the profession.

Quote me
Baroness J

Christian, Beware Of Fake Preachers

Christ did not send us out to extort, manipulate, blackmail or instill fear.

Sadly & unfortunately, there is so much of those in our churches today. 😟😟😟

But Jesus already knew this would happen therefore it is not suprising that many eloquent, finely dressed scripture quoting preachers are out there.
Read what He said:

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves”.
Matthew 7:15

“And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many”.
Matthew 24:11

But it is the duty and responsibility of every Christian to be able to discern and distinguish the FAKE from the FAITHFUL.
As we are told:

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world”
1 John 4:1


Min Elder Olajumoke Ariyo
RCCG Good News Haven


We parents with grown kids really need to start teaching our children that tolerance or submission is not expecting your spouse to be happy with all kinds of foolishness and acts of irresponsibility you can throw at them and then express hurt and disappointment when they react.

Nowadays all I seem to hear is that a woman must tolerate her husband’s carelessness, irresponsibility, disloyalty, unfaithfulness and even neglect – for her to remain happy in her marriage.

The Biblical scripture about a woman’s submission to her husband has also been both hijacked and mis-appropriated to support this widely accepted but wholly erroneous belief.

First, pardon my ignorance, but who can remain happy in the face of all that negativity? We don’t expect to tolerate such behaviour or treatment in the workplace. Why then do we demand that it should be tolerated at home?

Secondly what happened to “it takes 2 to tango; 2 to make a marriage?”

The responsibility for the success of any partnership should rest firmly in the hands of both parties with each doing their bit and fair share of the work.

Our society has single handedly destroyed the institution of marriage by laying all onus on the wife to keep the home while exonerating men of ALL responsibility and giving them a carte blanche to act and behave with impunity and total disregard for their marriage vows, their homes and their responsibilities.

Many men want to be husbands by “ego” and not by effective leadership qualities.

They claim that because the Bible says they are the “head of the home”, then that gives them the right to do whatever pleases them and not expect to be questioned or admonished.

A man that routinely beats his wife or regularly cheats on her will accuse her of betrayal when she decides to leave him. I have also seen men accuse their wives of nagging at the very slightest audacity she displays in asking her husband something as simple as “why are you coming home this late?” or who was that woman you were chatting with for hours”? as if it is a crime for a wife to ask such pertinent questions from her own husband

I shudder when I see the treatment some people dish out to their spouses. Which makes me conclude that love in marriage is highly overrated as many will not treat a verminous rodent the same way they treat the spouse they claim to love!

Unfortunately women today, are responding to their husbands irresponsibility not with the stoic acceptance of their grandmother – but with the deadly sting of an angry scorpion.

Under favourable conditions a woman will respond with soft warmth and adoring devotion to her husband. But an embittered wife can be dangerous and deadly.


Women today are demonstrating that what their wayward and promiscuous husbands can do, they can do 100 times better. Not content to just sit at home playing good wife with the kids, they too are out of the door, right on the heels of their husbands, playing Social Media slay queen, classless socialite and married prostitute that even Delilah would be jealous of!

Many married women drive expensive cars that their husbands didn’t buy….or that their salary can in any way stretch to. And regularly go on expensive non-existent “business trips” and “seminars” outside the country in the company of imaginary work-mates.

A great number of married men are ignorantly cruising around town in the expensive jeep bought by their wives “side-man”

A growing number of married men are ignorantly raising kids fathered by other men and playing hosts to all kinds of “strange “uncles” and long lost “cousins” in their own homes.

Women, when their dark sides are unleashed, can beat men at their own game. Even until destruction.

“Hell has no fury like a woman scorned”, the Bible says.
Any man who will mistreat his wife in this day and age, does so purely at his own risk!

A beautiful expensive wedding is no guarantee for a happy or successful marriage.

Here in the UK, many of the high class eyewateringly expensive society-weddings-of-the-year, break down within the same year mainly because the ladies are simply not willing to tolerate the rubbish and nonsense their mothers and grandmothers tolerated; staying lonely, neglected and unhappy in a marriage that wasn’t fulfilling their needs just for the sake of being a “Mrs” or to avoid the “divorcee” stigma and shame.

Free from the shackels of the ever present in-laws and judgemental society, UK African wives will waste no time in kicking out a husband who is not pulling his weight as head of the family – not for any other reason than that a lot of these ladies grew up seeing their own mothers being seriously maltreated and treated as doormats and subjugated beings at the hands of their fathers. many of them will tell you they made the vow neer to allow themselves to be subjected to such treatment

As a result, what we see is a continuous coming together of 2 immature people who are desirous to get married – but not yet ready to settle down and BE married. And age, is by no meant an indication of one’s readiness for marriage.

That one is 25 or even 30 does not mean they are ready to settle down. But you can find a 21 year old who is more matured and more bresponsibility minded.

Unfortunately many of us parents push and pressurize our kids into marriage once they get to a certain age – whether or not they are actually ready.

black newly weds

And marriage should most definitely not be seen as a cure for promiscuity or irresponsibility. Such people will only continue being promiscuous and irresponsible in their marriage thus causing much distress and heartache for their spouses.

We know of the parents of many spoilt, uncouth, unruly and loose kids more or less bullying them to find wives or husbands in the hope that they will abandon their wayward ways once they are married.

It is entirely wrong to assume that marriage will bring about a change in lifestyle. That change should have occurred before one enters into marriage. The decision to change and settle down should come before the decision to get married and not the other way round.

And it also must be a personal and sincere one.

Ladies should also realise that not every marriage proposal must be accepted. A boyfriend that was mostly unfaithful and disloyal to you while you were dating will almost definitely continue the habit after you are married.

The same goes for a boyfriend who beats you and slaps you around.

And a lazy, materialistic, gobby girlfriend is not suddenly going to change just because you put a ring on her finger.

Parents should learn to be courageous enough and reserve the right to withhold their permission for their child’s wedding, if they don’t think they are matured enough to handle the responsibility that comes with marriage. And they have to be honest with themselves both for the sake of their child as well as the other child leaving their parents’ home and tying their lives to your kid’s.

It is our duty as patents to re-orientate our thoughts about marriage and educate our individual children about marital responsibilities when they are younger. Not leaving it to when they are young adults, set in their ways with questionable characters and hope someone else’s presence in their lives will change them. Neither should it be the responsibility of strangers to counsel the couple weeks before the wedding. Kids should be trained and prepared for marriage right from their teens, by their parents.


And the notion that only the girl-child needs to be prepared for marriage is an old, unhelpful, outdated idea that has unwittingly resulted in many bad marriages. Our parents got it wrong in only training daughters and instilling in them, the necessity of being a good wife and housekeeper whose main purpose is to keep her husband happy, and forgetting that boys also need to be educated on being a good husband, leader and protector responsible for his wife and kids welfare, happiness and security.


And worse still, many parents are simply too busy in their own individual lives to be able to give serious life or social skills training to their kids. The desperate lack of these basic skills unfortunately follow many kids into marriage.

And our intervention in our kids lives once they are married, should be kept to the barest minimum.

Harsh as it may sound, visits should be by invitation only and not simply turning up whenever the desire takes us! And that is mostly for us mothers.

Marriage is finishing with singleness, selfishness and childishness. Not an extension of it. Anyone going into marriage should not expect to continue to enjoy the freedom of singleness because once you are married, your life is not just your own anymore. You are henceforth permanently tied, linked and joined to another person – your spouse, and subsequently, your kids.

And whatever you do, uttermost priority must be given to your spouse’s welfare, feelings, security, happiness and care.

And that, not from one, but from both sides.