Category: GUEST BLOGGERS

Top Seven Habits Of Mentally Strong People

As intelligent beings, all humans dream to properly manage every single situation they encounter in their lives. We are able to grasp what is right. And being mentally strong and able to perform whatever the circumstance is desirable. We all envy an imaginary paragon who simultaneously runs a business, has a stable relationship, is raising four school-age kids, exercises with infuriating regularity and refrains from using profanity while driving at rush hour. Mentally strong people exist. But they are not a miracle. They do not have special insensitivity powers. Or easy lives. Or big budgets. Or extra time. They do not confuse being mentally strong with acting tough.

Instead, they regulate their thoughts, manage their emotions, and behave proactively, choosing to act in a way that will improve their lives, even through struggle or delayed gratification. They face reality without fear. They have unlocked their bliss and commit to developing daily habits that positively build their mental muscle and give up bad habits that hold them back. They appear to be superheroes, but they are just ordinary people determined to live their lives extraordinarily by finding the transformative power of their everyday lives. They just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The good news is that we can all build our mental strength. Find your own role model for higher motivation and start consciously by emulating these seven significant traits that define them.

  1. They have a proactive approach to life

Proactivity requires to be aware of your own mission and your own time. It means starting each day with purpose by taking control of what you do and when you do it. It means taking ownership of your own life. To behave responsibly. To work for things to happen. To focus on what is essential. To have a manifest destiny and move forward to it.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” (Lao Tzu)

Mentally strong people adopt a proactive approach to life by defining which path to follow. If there is a will, there is a way. What do you want from your life and what are you doing to make it happen.

2. They move on from things they can not control

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” (Steve Maraboli).

Focusing on what we cannot control takes our energy and attention away from what we can actually control. Focusing on what we can not control takes our energy and attention away from what we can. Mentally strong people are not trying to manage it all. They acknowledge their limited power over all those things they cannot control and all those things they should not control. They have developed and exercised the discipline required to stop worrying about what they cannot influence. They know they can affect the outcome, but they cannot control it. They use their energy on their personal input into things instead of worrying about an outcome they cannot control.

We cannot control what people think about us, but we can work hard to create stable and friendly relationships. We cannot ensure we will be selected for a job offer, but we can prepare ourselves thoroughly for it.

3. They embrace the unexpected and make the best of it

Life can be tough. But focusing on the feeling that we don’t deserve this way will not be of any help. Mentally strong people develop a positive thinking strategy to find always the bright side of life. They do not assume the victim role. They do not focus on finding culprits. They do not compare their miseries with those of others. They decide to grow with adversity and challenge by overcoming obstacles and twist them to their advantage. They are flexible enough to adjust to the unexpected and accept it as part of the bigger plan.

4. They look at the past, but they live and enjoy the present while planning for the future.

Mentally strong people look back to learn or to honor what was once. But they do not get stuck in there. Even if old times were great. Because they know that the soul becomes old when the past is heavier than the present or the future. Mentally strong people understand that there is no better moment than the present because now is all we have.

5. They calculate risks

Mentally strong people are prudent. They have a plan. They estimate all the different options and identifiable consequences, and they take intelligent choices. This does not mean they do not dream big or withdraw themselves from difficult worthy stuff. Contrarily, they are usually prepared to reach high and far as they have developed the needed resilience to overcome obstacles and focused on the desired goal. They take risks, but they are not reckless. They know their actions have aftereffects, so they behave consciously.

6. They do not gossip

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Mentally strong people are focused on the positive side of life. They spend their energy on self-improvement, and that is why they tend to spot those traits from others that they can emulate for the better. Strong people who live with conviction and sincerity see the good in others and learn from others’ mistakes without spreading the dark around. They are busy thinking and planning big.

7. They are kind

Being kind is now scientifically proven to strengthen our relationships and our sense of satisfaction in life. Contrary to what has always been thought, it is not a symptom of naivety or weakness but requires courage and strength. Categorized as main interpersonal skill, mentally strong people develop high standards of it. Confident about themselves and focus on self-improvement, they do not compete with or envy others. Self- awareness, and self-confidence make them more prone to accept others and celebrate goodness. They have open eyes to detect others suffering and enough sense of mission to give of themselves to provide for the rest. They do not just live life through a self-centered approach. They build healthy relationships through warmth and trust. They care about others and this caring is what usually leads them to top management positions and successful interpersonal relations. They find time and energy for people around them.


The Problem With Nigeria: We Are Addicted To Mediocrity

By the late Prof Pius Adesanmi.

Start at councillor?

That is why a man like former presidential candidate Omoyele Sowore could have an undergraduate degree from the University of Lagos, a masters degree from a US Ivy League, Columbia University, teach as a contract lecturer and contract instructor in the same Ivy League University for more than 10 years, while building a global media brand, one of Africa’s first online media brands that CNN and Al Jazeera reference for Nigerian news, run a parallel career as a global social movement leader who is solicited annually by social movement organizations in South Africa, Canada, Europe, Senegal, etc, and be dismissed so casually by the youth as inexperienced and deserving only of starting as a Councillor.

If the youth think that all there is to Sowore is student unionism and Sahara Reporters (and what by the way is wrong with that?), it is of course Sowore’s fault and the fault of those who rolled out his candidacy. It is your responsibility to market your multifaceted self and cosmopolitan skills and experiences to the electorate.

I told a youth yesterday that Omoyele Sowore has been a contract lecturer at Columbia University for the past ten years and his jaw dropped. He had no idea Sowore combined an academic career with running Sahara Reporters.

So, somebody who does not have what it takes to stand before pupils at Okokomaiko Community Development Primary School will run to social media and dismiss a Columbia University lecturer as inexperienced.

What I am getting at is the mental block which has prevented the youth from even examining Sowore’s and other youth candidacies beyond knee-jerk and default setting rejection.

You are not experienced!
You are not ready!
Start as a local government councillor!

They are saying the same of Fela Durotoye and even Kingsley Moghalu who was born in 1963!

That is the rote, the cliche that Obasanjo and Babangida taught them to repeat like the colonial chant, apes obey, when the two generals were in the youth demonizing phase of their careers.

Nobody will help you, Nigerian youth, overcome this mental block. You have to overcome it yourself by thinking of other ways in which it affects you.

Consider this scenario:

If you hear that one of you, children of ordinary peeps, has an appointment somewhere in Nigeria’s technocracy or bureaucracy, you are up in arms screaming he is too young or inexperienced.

Then the elite will do the kind of corrupt hiring they have been doing recently in places like the Central Bank, etc. They will parachute in their 20 something year-old children who have only just graduated from Britain or America. In fact, you saw your Governor or Senator or Minister beaming at the graduation ceremony in London or Washington only yesterday because their aides posted the photos on Facebook and Twitter. You even congratulated your “amiable Governor” or “amiable Senator” and abused those asking if he traveled to his child’s graduation ceremony at public expense.

Then that same boy or girl who graduated yesterday is parachuted in and offered a senior position at CBN or any of the Federal parastatals like they have been doing with breathtaking intensity under Buhari.

You scream about nepotism.

You scream about favoritism.

I have never heard you scream that those appointed children are too young or inexperienced.

Why?

You have been conditioned to apply that cliche only to yourselves and fellow children of the poor.

Examine and scrutinize these youth candidacies.

Stop apes obey, default setting dismissal.


*Pius Adesanmi was a Nigerian-Canadian who died alongside 156 other passengers in the ill fated Ethiopian Airlines crash in March 2019. The article was written by him in 2018 before Nigeria’s recently held general elections

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12 Things Your Man Must Do To Show He Is Your Soulmate

He may see like “Mr. Right” on the surface, but is he a keeper?

Some guys will give an outward impression of caring and attention to your needs that seems like it is all too good to be true. But is it genuine? Sometimes, even though all the signs are there, it may be hard to tell or even something that you just don’t want to see even if others may be telling you so.

But if you are being really honest with yourself, here are 12 things that will really tell you that he’s not right for you:

1. You should be integral to his life.

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This means that he shouldn’t just have you around for a good time, but you should be included in every aspect of his life including his family, making career decisions, and sharing his goals and dreams for his future with you.

2. He should put your sexual pleasure above his own.

Being left out of the very height of a sexual moment over and over again because you have a man that puts his own needs first, can not only be frustrating, it can be downright infuriating. This type of chronic selfishness in the bedroom speaks volumes about how much a man puts your overall happiness above his own. This means someone who gets to know you well enough to understand what turns you on and then makes it happen.

3. He cares about how he looks.

If a man makes little or no effort to look good for you, then he not only doesn’t care about what you think, but he doesn’t care about himself very much either. He should show how much he cares by always attempting to present himself in the best way for you and your friends and family. There may be times where he has had a hard day and the effort may be less than effective, but at least you should know that he tries to make you feel proud to be with him.

4. He should be a “modern man”

Any man that sticks to the old-fashioned belief that a woman must do the laundry and cook all the meals isn’t someone who sees you as his equal. It may also be his selfish way of getting out of doing the most mundane chores and leaving them all to you. That is not someone that deeply cares or respects you, your time, and your relationship.

5. He should take the time to plan a date and not just schedule it.

There is a big difference when a man put a solid effort into making a date special as opposed to just writing it in on the calendar and showing up. If you find your man is not only setting up the date but when you show up, he is giving you a unique time and even an adventure every time you are together, then that is someone who cares enough about you to create quality time and moments that you will both always remember.

 

6. He makes an effort to get to know family and friends.

There is hardly a relationship that will stand the test of time if you are with someone who makes a life apart from you when it comes to being around your friends and family members. If he loves you unconditionally, then that means he also sees those around as part of his life as well and gets to know them as people that support you and love you just as he says that he does.

7. He isn’t stubborn about his beliefs.

You may not see eye-to-eye on everything, but someone who truly loves you is willing to compromise on the majority of things that you are also willing to let go if it makes both of you find a happy medium together. Being with a man who constantly wants his own way and literally demands it, is not only a selfish human being but probably a pretty immature one that doesn’t really know the meaning of love.

8. He keeps flirting with you beyond just the first few months.

When the first sparks of desire are there in a man, they tend to go out of their way to get our attention. If a man truly loves you, that same spark of desire will continue throughout your relationship. Yes, it may fade a bit with familiarity over time, but it will remain a constant part of your relationship when you least expect it if a man truly desires and loves you.

9. He shouldn’t be a bum.

If he can’t hold a job, is constantly borrowing money (and not paying it back), and generally can’t seem to get his career going, this is not a man that cares about your future together. He also sees you as a means to support himself as opposed to a life-partner to build a nest-egg together, So, the burden of responsibility for creating financial stability squarely falls on you. Any man who is that immature doesn’t know what a meaningful and loving relationship is all about.

10. His goal should be your happiness.

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No matter what the circumstances are in his life, your man should want to put those aside and focus on your happiness. He should never use stress or financial constraints as an excuse to not try, within reason, to get you everything your heart desires.

11. He should care about his health.

How much does a man really care about you if he is willing to ignore his unhealthy lifestyle and risk leaving you on your own prematurely? If he knows that his actions may cause this outcome and he still does it, then he really doesn’t love you at all. Instead, he should face the reality of his unhealthy ways and work to resolve them to live as long a life with you as he can.

12. He shouldn’t ignore you.

If you are trying to communicate with your man at a reasonable hour of the day or night and a reasonable amount of times, then there should be no reason at all for to ignore your calls or text messages. Someone who truly cares about another human being knowns them well enough that if they try to communicate with them, they need them or just want to tell them that they are thinking of them and love them. If he doesn’t know these things about you and ignores you, then he isn’t a long-term man.

“APost”


 

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Spanish Racist Spirit Comes Out At Christmas

Christmas in Spain is one of the most horrible experiences for me as a black person. It is where the Spanish get to show exactly how racist they are.

At shopping malls across Spain, they celebrate Los Reyes, (the three kings) parents bring their kids to malls and present them to the “kings” for photos and presents.

One of the kings is Black, they are obviously hired actors, sometimes they get a black person and sometimes they paint a white person black.(that is not my real issue)

My reason for hating Christmas in Spain is how the parents display their hatred and racism, none of the parents want to give their kids to the Black king, whilst queues form for the other two kings.

They only give their kids to the black king if he is painted black, some may do but in general, I never saw one in Spain.

This is so painful to watch and you feel so bad for the black guy.

I know he is getting paid for the day but (it must hurt) to be publicly humiliated like this. We know this is a period that fake Christians pretend they are religious, but the Spanish go a mile further in exhibiting such a blatant hatred for a color that was obviously also made by God.

This is why I believe if there was ever a Black Pope, most none black Catholics would leave the religion, so why are we deceiving ourselves that we are one under Christ?

Apart from this, the black faces!!!!

This is where the EU fails black people who also hold EU passports.

Original article by Ben Oguntala under the title “Why I HATE Christmas in Spain”
Ben Omoakin Oguntala @Linkedin

The Scramble For Africa Has Moved On, But Britain Hasn’t

While the British media dined out on Theresa May’s Africa trip last week, Africans are still reeling from the reporting. Sky News captioned Uhuru Kenyatta as “president of Africa”, while the BBC gave the title he should have had, “president of Kenya”, to his rival, Raila Odinga.

There are a million metaphors in Britons declaring an African superstate based in Kenya – who knew our broadcasters were such pan-Africanists? – and declaring an Odinga coup. But the reality is that there is widespread cluelessness in Britain about the political and economic situation across the continent today, and it shows.

The royals have shown more interest in African countries than our elected political leaders have. While we have had to tolerate endless patronising and presumptuous slogans about how African economies will fill the gap left by the EU, it’s worth asking what it is that Britain really has to offer Africa.

The continent’s countries are growing, both in terms of their economies and their population, and – bucking the trend elsewhere in the world – are seeing job creation outstrip demographic growth. Most African economists differ on just how effectively that will translate into prosperity in the coming decades, but they tend to agree on two things. What Africa needs is greater regional integration, and a more intense focus on domestic manufacturing, especially agricultural machinery and goods for domestic consumption – moving away from the old colonial pattern of exporting raw resources and importing food, patterns that hugely benefited the former imperial powers.

Britain is hardly a role model in either respect. It is abandoning the EU, and has never recovered from the long-term decline in its manufacturing. Britain’s economy is based on service industries and consumer debt, a pattern that no one in Africa wants to reproduce, even if – with 40% of the continent’s countries now at high risk of debt distress – it is in significant danger of doing so.

Britain’s approach to Africa contrasts starkly with that of Germany, which is investing in more of the kind of industry African countries actually want.

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While May was honing her dance moves, Angela Merkel was offering manufacturing plants. The German chancellor, also on a working visit to the continent last week, agreed plans with Ghana – the nation Britain once considered its “model colony” – to establish a Volkswagen assembly plant, adding to the facilities it already has in South Africa, Kenya, Rwanda and Nigeria.

To be fair, Britain is still a major investor in Africa, ranking way ahead of Germany and second only to the US. Both Britain and Germany have terrible colonial records on the African continent. But in Britain’s case, the pattern established in that era is highly relevant today. Post-independence, British policy was overtly geared towards encouraging exports to Africa that benefited the British economy, and definitely not towards helping African nations reduce their dependence on importing British products.

In some cases that’s beginning to change, but Brexit feels like a giant step backwards. The emphasis will now again be on how Britain can use Africa to prop up its own economy. When May announced that the UK will host the 2019 Africa Investment Summit, it’s hard to avoid the perception that Britain wants to increase its visibility relative to China. All eyes are on China because the nation currently exports eight times more goods to Africa than the UK and is the continent’s major investor in infrastructure, albeit with growing concerns about the unsustainable levels of borrowing – “debt trap diplomacy” – that it is creating in the process.

Visibility in Africa is important to Britain because this is still very much a relationship that evolved out of imperial domination. That’s obvious in the political choreography, which is undeniably clumsy and awkward, and, from Boris Johnson in particular, has at times been plain insulting. While China invests in African construction and infrastructure, which is key to real growth here, British investment is still concentrated in extractive natural resources – most of all, energy.

British companies still make an eye-watering amount of money out of these investments while ordinary Africans do very poorly. The cost of living in Africa is higher than comparative economies, and so, as a result, are labour costs, which makes it difficult for African countries to compete at manufacturing with, say, Bangladesh. And while African companies grow faster and are more profitable than their global peers, they struggle to achieve equity with foreign companies: not a single African-owned company is in the Fortune 500.

Africans I talk to are sceptical about grand pronouncements by foreign governments over deepening ties with the continent. It’s hard to ignore the pull of the natural resources that Africa has in such abundance: vanadium, diamonds, phosphates, cobalt, chromium and gold. History shows that extracting them does little to enrich ordinary Africans. What they want are investments that accelerate the growth and innovation African businesses are already pioneering.

If Britain wants to be a friend to Africa, it needs to stop looking to the continent to boost its self-esteem – “the shared history and cultural ties” of which May talks allude to Britain’s imperial domination – and its coffers. African nations have no incentive to deal with nostalgia, particularly when nations such as China, Israel, Turkey and India are competing for access.

And if Britain is interested in Africa, as we are so often told it is, it shouldn’t have to wait for Brexit to ask what it is that African nations actually want, rather than simply presuming they are happy to provide a source of post-Brexit enrichment.

Article by Afua Hirsch was originally published in the Guardian.

A Word Of Advice To Today’s Young Celebrities And Pop Stars – By Tunde Alabi- Hundeyin

I saw this post on the facebook wall of Tunde Alabi-Hundeyi, whom I call Uncle T, a former senior colleague from my days at Ogun State Television (OGTV) Abeokuta, Nigeria – and I knew immidiately it had to appear on my Guest Bloggers’ segment.

It is Uncle T, saying out loud what many of us are thinking about our young stars and celebrities today, whose main preoccupation seems to be the acquisition of – or the opportunity to have ridden in a private jet, the champagne lifestyle with as much foreign cash and women as possible.

While many of the images we see might be simple PR stunts and photo ops, these stars need to remember that many youngsters look up to them as some kind of role model and unfortunately, see their lifestyles as one to emulate.

It also gives the wrong imppresdion to up and coming artistes who might wrongly assume that the jet and champagne lifestyle is the reward of every artiste. The truth couldn’t be any further from this because not every artiste is going to have the success of Davido or Wizkid – who are still in the hey days of their carreer.

The next 20 years will determine if they are true evergreens.

Read Tunde’s article:

Have you noticed ?

All these young music stars now competing on who can best pose in a private jet with a glass of wine in hand and legs thrown out like they own the world.

Fake. Fake.

Non and I mean non of you has earned in your entire career enough to buy 1/4 of the cost of the engine of a private jet.

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What you should concentrate on now is how to invest. Eg in top of the line studios, concert arenas and hospitality, real estate etc

You should also pay attention to charity and giving back to society.

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How many times you seen someone like FEMI KUTI pose in a private jet. His investment in Shrine is yielding global dividend now.

Same with his father Fela. Obey, Decross etc.

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The reality of celebrity life is sometimes the lights in the hall dim earlier than you think or your fingers can no longer strum the guitar as it used to (courtesy Ed Sheeran)

Stardom just like sports celebrity doesn’t last forever.

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Sunny Ade has the longest career in music at the top in Nigeria today but can you remember the thousands that have been forgotten. Yet they too had all those international record deals and concerts.

The images you should also use to inspire your generation should be different .

What you give back to the society also has a spiritual payday.

A word is enough for the …..

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Tunde Alabi-Hundeyin is a veteran broadcaster, producer and the MD/CEO of Dudu Productions



Guest Bloggers Corner: Signs That Tell You You Are In A Lust And Not Love Relationship

Columnist Amanda Chatel writes:

I’m preparing to move to Paris for about a year or so. One of the major things this involves is getting rid of stuff that I should have tossed forever ago, but just haven’t yet. While tossing clothes and shoes is emotional enough in its own right, what’s really killing me the most is my “box of yesterday.”

True to its name, my “box of yesterday” is a nightmare collection of things from past relationships. I say nightmare, because who saves receipts from Brooklyn Bowl because it has an ex-boyfriend’s name on it? This gal. Who thinks it’s necessary to keep shreds of a ripped T-shirt from a wrestling match after too many martinis? Me, obviously.

The project of weeding through these things and deciding which is reasonable to keep and which solidifies me as a straight-up lunatic has forced me to face a fact: My last relationship, if we can even call it that, wasn’t love at all. Of course, at the time I was convinced it was love, as we all tend to think in similar situations, but in reality it was nothing but lust tangled up with infatuation, and because of it I was the most unstable, crazy, jealous, human being I’ve ever been. Looking back now, I blush at who I was, and that I was capable of such insanity because of a man.

 

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With those days officially in my past and locked there safely so I can no longer touch them, I can see more clearly than ever what I was experiencing. I was not in love with a guy whom we’ll call “C,” but in lust.

Here’s what I learned from it all. If you recognize yourself in any of this, I suggest you run like hell. Now.

1. There’s more fire and less stability

Love — real love — is about commitment and communication. These two important components lead to stability within a relationship. Of course, fire can be part of the equation, but when there’s lots of drama, chaos and more emotional gut blows than butterflies, you’re looking at a lustful situation.

2. You focus more on the outside than inside

I could stare at C for hours. I was so enamored with his beauty. To me, he was gorgeous from head to toe without a single flaw to be found. I was obsessed with his beauty, and relished in the fact that I got to be seen in public with him and got to “tap that” at the end of the night.

3. You prefer the fantasy

From the beginning, I knew C and I didn’t have a future. We were far too similar to have been able to conduct a grown-up relationship, and he was never going to want me the way I wanted him. With him, I acted younger than I was for far longer than I should have — the drinking, acting out, immaturity and irresponsibility were quadrupled when we were together. I didn’t want a “grown-up” life with him; I loved the days on end of debauchery that allowed me to escape from reality.

 

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4. Why aren’t we having sex right now?

Although I loved talking to C, because we did have so much in common, whenever we were together just hanging around or watching a movie, I’d always catch myself wondering, “Why aren’t we having sex right now?” I’m serious. I couldn’t give a damn about the ending to whatever movie was on, if it meant we were having sex instead.

5. You’re not friends

C and I were not friends. For a long time we called each other “best friend,” but the truth was I was in lust, and he was just waiting for something else, something, to use his words, better. Despite knowing that, the lust kept me coming back for more.

6. Intimacy doesn’t exist

Although cuddling can be really satisfying and comforting when you’re in love, when you’re in lust a body against you just feels like dead weight. You’re also likely to ask yourself again, “Why aren’t we having sex right now?”

7. You experience intense neediness

If I didn’t get the attention I needed from C on a daily basis, I felt like my world was falling apart. Was he texting with someone else instead? Was he not home, as he said, but out with someone else? Having sex with someone else? Why isn’t he answering my calls? It was exhausting, to say the least.

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8. The feeling is conditional

Anyone who’s been in love can attest to the fact that love is unconditional. Lust, however, is not. Lust is steeped in gratification without concern to anything else. I could easily sleep with someone other than C and not feel a twinge of regret, but if I were to do the same to the man I love, I’d never forgive myself. Lust has blurred boundaries as to what’s right; love kicks those blurred lines into place.

 

Many people end up in marriages where their lust has been mistaken for love and they wonder why they end up hating each other after a few years. I discovered my ex and I were not friends and we didn’t particularly like each other hence the constant fighting and hostility in the marriage. But the sex was great and even when we were not speaking, we always managed to get the sex going and unfortunately, we mistook this for love. At the end of the day, removing sex from our marriage, we discovered we had absolutely nothing in common.

When a choice of a partner is based more on the pre-set list of physical attributes such as weight, height, looks, colour over more mental. Emotional or some will even say spiritual connections, then the relationship’s entire foundation will rest solidly on lust rather than love.

,