Day: March 14, 2019

4 Relationship-Killer Mistakes Busy People Make

Often when a married or long-term couple break up, it seems to come out of the blue for one of the two people.

The shocked person might say “I knew things weren’t perfect, but I didn’t realize s/he was that unhappy.” When you’re busy, it’s easy to get tunnel vision. You might be so focused on keeping up with your workload, that you become blind to your partner’s signals that they need your attention. Or you hear these calls but tune them out.

Here are specific mistakes busy people sometimes make and achievable, evidence-based solutions.


1. Using the justification “I’m doing this for my family.”

Let’s say you’re working long hours because you’re starting a business, or you’re taking night classes in addition to your day job. It’s understandable to think, “I’m ignoring my family now, but what I’m doing will have huge benefits in the long run. Therefore it’s ok.” Even when your motivation is to provide for your family, it’s important not to use this as a blanket justification for ignoring their needs in the present. It can be difficult to repair relationships if you ignore them for too long.

Solution: Recognize that time you invest in your relationship is an investment just like the time you spend working or studying. When it comes to love, the best investments of your time are typically those that show you are emotionally responsive, accessible, and engaged. Take a look at this quiz. The questions are things like “My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. True/False.” How do you think your partner would answer? If you’re brave, ask them to complete the questionnaire. If they answer any questions as false, talk about simple ways you could move to true. Don’t dispute their perception—their perception is what counts!


2. Not staying aware of your partner’s priorities.

If you’re overworking, your brain might be fully tied up thinking about your own priorities, to the extent you don’t even know what your partner’s priorities are. What’s important to your partner currently? What have they attempted to talk to you about but you’ve brushed them off? It could be repairs that are needed to your home, vacation plans, concerns about your child’s eating habits, or worries about a parent’s ill health. Maybe there’s simply a movie they want to see in theaters before it’s too late.

Try this self-test: Can you list three of your partner’s current priorities?

Solution: Create a behavioral habit that gives you a chance to talk to each other. For example, my spouse and I often take a late night walk. If you regularly drive somewhere together, that might be your chance to talk, or maybe you make a habit of going out for Sunday brunch or chatting when you’re lying in bed on the weekend. Make sure the habit you choose is a time when both people are in a clear headspace to talk. Why a walk often works so well is because neither person is physically trapped in a confined space like they are in a car. Talking while walking can make it emotionally easier to have in-depth conversations.


3. Brushing off your partner’s attempts to get your attention.

In the book, The Healthy Mind Toolkit, the author writes about how the most important aspect of relationships is emotional trust. A huge part of emotional trust is perceiving that you can easily get your partner’s attention. People in relationships do many micro behaviors aimed at getting the other person’s attention. For instance, if you’re working in one room, your partner might come into the room on the pretense of looking for something. Or your partner follows you into the bathroom to ask you a question. Or attention requests might come in the form of touch or eye contact. Make sure you’re not too distracted and self-absorbed to miss these attempts, dismissively brush them off, or ignore them.

Solution: If you find yourself irritated with your partner (“Why do they keep interrupting me?”) it might be that you’ve been ignoring their requests for attention and they’ve escalated into annoying behaviors. Ways to show your partner they can get your attention include responding with eye contact, physical touch, or by communicating that you were listening.

4. Taking out your stress on your partner.

When people are very busy, they sometimes don’t have many emotional reserves left to deal with small hassles and irritations. This can result in snapping at your partner over little things, being negative, and complaining. For instance, the first thing you do when you come in the door is complain about the traffic.

Solution: Ask your partner to call you out on it when they feel that you’re taking out your work stresson them. When you reunite with your partner at the end of the workday, make sure the first thing you say is something positive.

Wrapping Up

It often doesn’t take much time or effort to be emotionally engaged in your relationship. Micro behaviors like giving your partner a quick touch on the lower back as you’re walking past can go a long way. The main barrier is often that you don’t see these small moments as important opportunities to stay connected. By making a few mental and behavior shifts you can potentially avert relationship disaster.

*Article by Alice Boyes, Ph.D., who translates principles from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and social psychology into tips people can use in their everyday lives.

Woolwich Man Wanted In Connection With Herbert Road Shooting

Police are renewing appeals for information and have announced a reward after a cab was shot at in south London last summer.

Detectives from the Trident and Area Crime Command also wish to speak with 26-year-old Kevin Zebo, who is also known as Ouuraga Kevin Zebo.

Zebo, who is from the Woolwich Dockyard area, is known to have links in the south-east London area, Bournemouth and Andover.

A reward of £5,000 is offered for information leading to his arrest and prosecution.

Police were called at approximately 18:35hrs on 8 June 2018 to reports of a firearm being discharged on Herbert Road, SE18.

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Officers established that at 18:30hrs, two men walked into a cab office and requested a cab. The men got into a cab; as the driver reversed, he saw a group of males approach the cab. One of them pointed a handgun at the cab and fired it once into the rear of the car, shattering the window, and narrowly missing the two passengers.

The suspects then ran from scene before getting into a car.

No injuries were reported in relation to the shooting.

Detective Inspector James Bray, from Trident, said: “Whilst my officers have worked tirelessly to successfully identify those involved, Kevin Zebo has gone to ground and remains at large.

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“Although this incident, by pure luck, did not result in anyone being killed or seriously injured, the consequences are far reaching. This level of mindless violence has no place on London’s streets.

“Kevin Zebo is considered a dangerous individual who needs to be arrested. Please don’t hesitate to call police.”

Anyone with information regarding Zebo’s whereabouts is asked to call police on 101 with CAD reference 6598/08JUN18. Alternatively, they can call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

If seen, he should not be approached, call 999.

Four men aged 27, 22 , 23 and 26 have been charged in connection with this incident.

Abeokuta “Big Boy” Caught With Money Ritual Items, Used Pants And Soiled Sanitary Pads Believed To Belong To His Girlfriend

A young man who recently bought himself a new car and celebrated an anniversary with his lover was recently caught with items for money rituals in Abeokuta, Ogun state capital

Ayodeji Oladimeji, popularly known as !Sdj Teeman” a so called “Big boy” in the city was caught with used sanitary pads, soiled panty liners and knickers believed to be items for money rituals.


He was paraded by the officers of the Police service to whom he admitted that the items belonged to his girlfriend.

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On a Facebook post to celebrate his anniversary with his girlfriend last February, he wrote: “Happy anniversary to us honey, I can never find the words to say how much I love you,with you I have learned how to love all this year I have been very happy with you I hope to be with you today,tomorrow and other woman could ever make me feel the way that you do…My love my everything, My baby my play mate, My sugar my sweetie pie, My girlfriend my best friend, I love you so so much ARIKE mhi ”

rituals boy

Meet Stunning Young Royal Regent Of Aaye Town In Ondo State

A recent graduate of Achievers University, Owo Ondo State has been crowned as Royal Regent (Adele Oba) in Aaye town in ifedore Local Government, Ondo State

As a first child, Her Majesty Taiwo Oyebola Agbona stands in gap on the throne of her fore-fathers till the Senior traditional Chiefs (Afobaje) choose the next King for the town.

Tradition behoves her to temporarily take over the rulership of her kingdom following the demise of the previous ruler, her father late HRM Oba J. B Agbona, Orimoro 11, the Alaaye of Aaye who passed on on the 4th of May, 2017.

She has been on the throne for over a year so far.

The young Royal Regent studied Medical Laboratory Science (Heamatology).

She is also on social media and goes by Royal_bliss on Instagram.

As a Regent, Her Majesty is forbidden to kneel to any human, she must not eat in public and she must always be in male atire.

She is also forbidden to have sex…

Increasing UK Knife Crime Figures Fuelled By Repeat Offenders

The number of knife criminals being dealt with by the justice system has risen to a 10-year high as more repeat blade offenders are taken to court, official figures revealed today.

The Ministry of Justice statistics show that 21,484 people — including 4,686 from London — were prosecuted or cautioned for knife offences in England and Wales in 2018. The figure is the highest since 2009.

According to the report in the Evening Standard, the number is also more than 2,000 up on the total two years previously and more than 5,000 higher than the tally for 2013.

It is a sign of how significantly knife crime has risen in recent years.

A total of 4,430 of the 2018 offenders were juveniles aged 17 or under.

That was slightly down on the previous year’s total but higher than any of the preceding years up to 2009 in a sign of the increased prevalence of knife use among children.

Today’s statistics also show the number of repeat offenders is growing, with 28 per cent of adults and juvenile knife criminals last year being convicted or cautioned for a second or more blade offence. That represented 5,497 such offenders and is the highest proportion of repeat blade users since the statistics began being recorded in 2008.

Of those convicted last year, 37 per cent were given an immediate custodial sentence.

That compares with a figure of 20 per cent in 2008 and reflects a steady increase in recent years in the numbers being sent to jail for knife offences.

The average sentence length has also risen over the same period from 5.3 months a decade ago to 8.1 months last year.

It still means, however, that most knife offenders avoid prison and that many of those who are jailed are released back onto the streets after a relatively short time.

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President Buhari Expresses Sadness At Lagos School Building Collapse

Nigeria’s president, Muhammadu Buhari said in a statement on Wednesday evening that he was ‘deeply saddened’ by the building collapse.

The newly re-elected Nigerian leader expressed his sadness at the tragedy in a post on his Twitter page yesterday.

President Buhari also charged the Lagos State government to “do all that is needful so that such tragic developments do not recur”

A major, frantic rescue operation has been under way since the building collapsed on Monday and rescuers have carried about 37 people out from the rubble.
The school, which was on the top floor of the four-storey building in Ita Faji on Lagos Island, had more than 100 pupils, according to a rescue official.

It was not immediately clear why the building collapsed but such disasters are all too common in Nigeria, where new construction often goes up without regulatory oversight and floors are added to already unstable buildings.

Lagos state governor Akinwunmi Ambode said the building, which had been marked for demolition, was classified as residential and the school was operating illegally on the top two floors.

Thousands of people swarmed the rescue site, with people standing in narrow streets and on rooftops of rusted, corrugated metal as a single yellow excavator scooped at the ruins.

100 children feared trapped in collapse of Lagos building that housed school

Families kept vigil at a hospital on Thursday for children pulled from the wreckage of a collapsed school building in the Nigerian city of Lagos.

Authorities have so far confirmed only that some people were killed, without giving a number, after the four-story building housing the school, homes and shops collapsed on Wednesday.

Residents say the school had around 100 children. Rescuers were trying to find a register to work out how many had died, an emergency official said. Nearly 50 people were rescued from the building on Wednesday.

At the hospital, 50-year-old hairdresser Arike Kuye waited for news of her granddaughter, aged seven, who has being treated for a head injury. Her 11-year-old granddaughter was killed in the accident.

“I’ve been here for hours. I don’t know how long it has been,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears.

Around two dozen people, mostly women, were gathered outside the wing where hospital officials said seven children were being treated.

At the site of the collapse, people searched through the tangle of rubble and metal on Thursday to find any belongings of their loved ones.

On Wednesday, one person was confirmed dead. More people have died after being taken to hospital, Adesina Tiamiyu, the general manager of the Lagos State Emergency Management Agency, told reporters on Thursday.

“We continued our work overnight and at about 3 a.m. (0200 GMT) we recovered the body of an adult male … and up till now we haven’t recovered anybody (else),” he said.

He said they had been searching to see if anyone else was still buried underneath the wreckage, adding that the hunt for survivors was due to be declared ended later and casualty figures released.

Tiamiyu said the number of children involved was still in question and authorities were trying to find a register of the pupils.

“I want to categorically deny there were more than 100 children,” he said.

Lagos Governor Akinwuni Ambode, who visited the site hours after the building collapsed, said the school had been set up illegally and that buildings in the area had been undergoing structural testing prior to the accident.

Building collapses are frequent in Nigeria, where regulations are poorly enforced and construction materials are often substandard.

Locals, including a relative of a child who was killed, said there had been a number of building collapses in the area over the last few years. They said some buildings deemed by state government officials to be uninhabitable were renovated by landlords seeking rent.