Month: September 2017

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE IN LOVE OR IN LUST

If you’re currently dating someone but just can’t figure out whether you’re actually compatible or if it’s just butt loads of sexual chemistry, it can be a seriously confusing time. Matchmaker and heartbreak coach Sarah Louise Ryan explains there are six very obvious signs that what you are feeling is a whole lot of lust and not love which is very commonly confused and mistaken for each other.

Here’s how to tell it’s not the real deal and save yourself a whole world of wasted time.

 

1. You want to know everything and all at once

If the person you’re seeing is really meant to be your next significant other – then what’s the rush? After all, all good things come to those who wait. If it’s lust, you’ll try to be all in – and fast – because you won’t be able to wait to get your next fix of those neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin (they’re what make you feel really good). If it’s love, then you’ll be far more interested in a slow-burning romance rather than blowing off some steam together.

2. You struggle to find commonality

The chemistry may seem to be bang on and will feel like friction, like it’s electric and you just can’t get enough of being in the throws of passion or talking about it. You’ll be addicted to the highs and focus any convo outside of the bedroom on how great your sex is. Yet you can’t find any other commonality, so the conversation just leads down the path to talking about your physical passion (and not much else).

 

3. You’ve got different outlooks on the world, but you think that’s ok

You like this person – they’re attractive, you feel comfortable in their company, and you want to hang out all the time. But the fact you both have different outlooks on the world and your lifestyles aren’t quite the same doesn’t matter, right? Nope, not a chance. For example, one of you might prefer a winter getaway to a stint in the sunshine, or maybe you both support different football teams – this is fine. What I’m talking about is getting down to the nitty-gritty of values, family orientation, your goals, ambitions, health, fitness and inevitably what you both do to make the world a better place. If you find that there isn’t any alignment and you’re not on the same page about a lot of things, then quite frankly, you’re looking at a whole lot of lust and not much else.

4. It’s not a seamless connection, but it’s exciting

Sometimes ‘getting’ each other feels a tad like swimming against a micro tide but you’re ok with that. The chemistry is there so you think that the compatibility might come in time. Well, it won’t. When you connect with someone that’s right for you, you’ll go through the stages of falling in love which of course include lust. But you will want more as you become attracted to their personality and want to attach to them and only them. Make sure you’re falling hook, line and sinker – not just sinking in lust.

 

5. You don’t communicate the same way

If you both seem to be constantly seeking the attention of the other, not feeling satisfied or safe in the knowledge that this is it, that it’s something set to last then it’s just lust. If it feels like clutching at straws for one or both of you, then you’re not in it to win it for love. Perhaps you find yourself feeling unsure where this is going, how the other person feels or what on earth is going on? The right person for you wants you to feel at ease because they want to feel at ease too.

 

6. Everything else falls by the wayside

If you’re attracted to someone and feel completely comfortable with dropping everything of significance around you, then I’m afraid to say that it’s lust and not set to be love. Things of significance can be anything from friends and family, to your hobbies, interests and work. Love comes from compatibility, and that’s based on a deep understanding between the two of you of what’s important, what keeps you ticking and the knowledge that you’re both in for a marathon, not a sex-induced sprint.

It’s tough in the early days of a relationship

to see what on earth is what between chemistry and compatibility, and what it is exactly that sets lust aside from love. As long as you trust your gut, stay true to your values and really know you want in a relationship, you’ll find that only the people on the same page as you will stick around. In short, lust is for right now, and we all know that when it comes to love everything should just feel right.

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Original article from CosmopolitanUK

 

 

 

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NIGERIA’S WIZ KID SELLS OUT SPECIAL LONDON ALBERT HALL PERFORMANCE

The globally known and adored music superstar WizKid  made his Royal Albert Hall debut last Friday as part of the Albert Sessions.

In 2016, this young Nigerian-born singer achieved global prominence when he collaborated with Drake on One Dance, which reached number one in 15 countries. He picked up a staggering number of accolades including Best Worldwide Act at the MTV EMAs, Best African Act at the British MOBO Awards, and a huge seven nominations at the Billboard Music Awards 2017.

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His irresistible musical style, which combines rhythms from Afro-Beat, reggae, hip-hop and dance hall, speaks to WizKid’s vision of 21st century youth culture where ‘all the music of the world is coming together’.

The Albert Sessions enable artists who have not previously headlined at the Royal Albert Hall to offer cut-price tickets to fans, and engage with the Hall’s Education & Outreach programme by offering a bespoke educational opportunity for young people.

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Profits from the performances will go to the Evening Standard Dispossessed Fund for Grenfell Tower Fire Victims. Previous headliners have included Jake Bugg, First Aid Kit, Nicola Benedetti, Alison Balsom and Foals.

YOU COULD BE SELF SABOTAGING YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP AND NOT EVEN REALISE IT

Have you ever wondered why you never seem to be able to hold down a relationship for long before it all comes crashing down around you?

Do you constantly hook up with the man/woman of your dreams that meets all your specifications and ticks all the right boxes, but find you have lost them after just a matter of weeks?

Do you  know that the problem with your relationships may not be out of issues with your partner or their unsuitability – but your own problems with yourself?

Many of us are so allergic to happiness or good fortune that when it is handed to us on a silver of gold, we do everything in our power to wreck and sabotage our own happiness.

According to certified couples’ counsellor Annabelle Knight,  many of us can be guilty of self-sabotaging our relationships. But often, we might not even know we’re doing it.

Here are six key signs.

1. You avoid pain

This is when you allow yourself to get to a certain point in a relationship before pulling back. Maybe you’ve seen too many sad movies or really took to heart the saying ‘love hurts’… whatever the reason, avoiding pain is the outcome. This can manifest in a number of ways, from creating ‘bottom line’ issues out of nothing, to convincing yourself that this person isn’t the one so you should move on.

carrie i feel nothing sex and the city

2. You live in a fantasy land

So many people manage to avoid falling for someone because they adhere to a strict code. This is a list of ‘must haves,’ usually created in a much younger, more immature psychological state that leads that person to sabotage any and all future relationships – based on the skewed notion that the person they’re with isn’t worthy of their affection. Fantasy land behaviour often occurs within the first six months of a relationship and offers a sense of control and power that might have to be relinquished if you allow yourself to be vulnerable with another person.

3. You listen to your inner critic

We all have one, you know that little voice that niggles away at you telling you to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Yup, that’s the one. Well it’s our inner critic that, more often than not, is responsible for self-sabotaging our relationships. Convincing ourselves that we’re ‘not worthy’ or that ‘it’ll all end in tears anyway so what’s the point?’ is the main reason a lot of relationships can fail. We don’t allow ourselves the chance at happiness because deep down we don’t feel we deserve it.

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4. You can’t back down

Some people would rather be right, than be in a relationship. Most couples argue, it’s a healthy way to vent our issues and if done correctly (yes there is a right way to argue) can lead to a stronger, healthier partnership. However, its when we let ego get in the way that we self sabotage. The need to be right, rather than to compromise is one of the biggest relationship killers and can occur during any stage in a relationship.

 

5. You care too much about what other people think

For some people, the opinions of others far outweigh that of their partners. This can be hugely damaging to a relationship. If you’ve ever ignored your partner to reply to a non-urgent text, cancelled plans with them for frivolous plans with friends or feel the need to tend to other people’s needs rather than theirs on a regular basis, then you may be guilty of this.

6. You forget that you’re not the same

Expecting your partner to think, feel and act in the same way as you do is another form of self sabotage. Rigid thinking is an unhealthy way to live and can cause great stress and upset to your relationship. Accepting and appreciating that your partner’s experiences, understandings and ultimately the way in which they identify the world are different is the only way you can truly co-exist happily with one another.

A relationship is not meant to be a battlefield of the winner takes it all – or a place of survival of the strongest where the “best man wins”. A relationship is a place of compromise; of giving and taking and sometimes we have to bite out tongues, lock up our ego and suppress that urge and need to be right all the time.

In a relationship, it takes two people willing to give up a bit of themself in order to be able to accommodate the needs of the other person. But when one partner is unable to do this, the relationship will not survive long. The duration of and the peace in a relationship should be of more importance and take higher priority than a partner being right or justified.

 

*Based on an article in CosmopolitanUK

Read also: Who your star sign should hook up with

FRANCE: COURT RULES 28 YEAR OLD MAN’S SEX WITH GIRL 11, WAS NOT RAPE. SAYS HER FAILURE TO PROTEST MEANS CONSENT.

A court has unbelievably ruled that an 11-year-old child ‘consented’ to sexual relations with a 28-year-old man because she did not verbally and physically protest.

The young girl had been lured to the man’s home in Montmagny, near Paris, in April this year, where he sexually assaulted her. Yet French prosecutors ruled that they could not justify charging the man with rape as there was no ‘violence, constraint, threat or surprise’.

The 28-year-old man was instead charged with sexual abuse of a minor, according to The Local.

The girl’s family insist she was raped and say she was ‘paralysed with fear’ throughout her ordeal. Her mother told a French news website: ‘She thought it was too late, that she didn’t have the right to protest, that it wouldn’t make any difference, so she went into auto pilot, without emotion and without reaction.’

The decision has sparked outrage in France, with experts saying ‘submitting is not consenting’. Children’s rights group have called for new laws similar to those in the UK to protect children from predators.

In the UK, intentional penetration of a child under 13 is classed as rape as it is considered those aged 12 and under are not legally able to give consent to any form of sexual activity.

 

Read more: http://metro.co.uk


 

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CHINESE MUSLIMS ORDERED TO HAND IN COPIES OF KORAN OR FACE PROSECUTION

Chinese Muslims have been ordered to hand over religious items including copies of the Koran and prayer mats or they will face harsh punishment.

Authorities are stepping up a campaign against Muslims in Xinjiang, north western China, according to Radio Free Aisia.

Dilxat Raxit, a spokesman for World Uyghur Congress, said that people in Kashgar, Hotan and other regions had been notified that all Uyghur people must hand over Islam-related items. Notifications are also being broadcast via social network WeChat, telling people they must hand items in to government. authorities. Korans have been targeted in the region for the last five years because they are deemed to contain ‘extremist content’. People are being ordered to hand in their Korans and prayer mats

A campaign in China called Three Illegals and One Item has been taking part in the region and affects publicity, religious teaching, and items associated with Islam.

 

 

BE WARNED: PEACOCKS AT CUMBRIA ZOO HAVE CHLAMYDIA

Peacocks have been diagnosed with chlamydia at a zoo where 500 animals died. A recent two-week inspection of South Lakes Safari Zoo in Dalton, Cumbria, found that there was ‘considerable contact’ between animals and members of the public, with one lemur even managing to climb into a baby’s pram.

Cab driver bombarded Jemima Khan with calls and texts after she agreed to a selfie Prairie dogs had also ‘extended their territory’ and were found digging holes next to a fence that separates the zoo from the home of former owner David Gill. The council’s licensing regulatory committee is going to meet next Thursday, October 5, to decide whether South Lakes Safari Zoo’s new bosses are complying with its licence conditions. Despite the concerns flagged up by the inspectors, they did praise the team for doing a ‘good job’ educating the public about safety.

Spring weather Apr 19th 2017
A peacock at South Lakes Safari Zoo in Cumbria.

Almost 500 animals had died at the zoo in a four-year period (Picture: PA)

A zookeeper at South Lakes Safari Zoo was killed by a tiger in 2013 (Picture: PA) The zoo first hit the headlines after it emerged that almost 500 animals had died in a four-year period, and that keeper Sarah McClay was tragically mauled to death by a tiger in 2013.

At the time government inspectors called the zoo ‘inadequate’. However it stayed open after its owner and founder David Gill stood down, and it was taken over by the newly-formed Cumbria Zoo Company Ltd. In January, Gill was found to be ‘not fit’ to run the attraction.

One lemur at the zoo managed to climb into a baby’s pram (Picture: Flickr/MartinPitchford) The most recent report, compiled after a surprise inspection in August, states that since being granted a new licence the zoo has made changes.

Emaciated dog dies after desperately tunneling her way out of locked kennel These included appointing an animal director, Andreas Kaufmann, and closing some of the areas of the zoo where animals could come into contact with humans.

However, in August 2017, seven incidents involving contact between animals and visitors were reported within a 14-day period.

 

Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2017/09/28/peacocks-get-chlamydia-at-british-zoo-where-500-animals-died-6963495/?ito=cbshare

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WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO TIE THE KNOT?

The fact that one in four marriages ends in a divorce is a statistic that people like to throw around way too much. Once we hear that, we start to look at our recently married friends and wonder who will be phoning a divorce lawyer in the near future.

So when we’re dating and finding our own potential suitor, is there anyway we can make sure we’re settling down with the right person so that our own relationship doesn’t end with trying to divide asides 50-50 and arguments over who gets the house?

According to data from the National Survey of Family Growth, Nick Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, found that prior to age 31, each additional year of age at marriage reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. But after 32? Well, he found that divorce increases by five percent per year.

According to certified family law specialist, James D. Scott, who has performed over 2,000 divorces in his 36-year career and works with young, enlisted military couples to unwed mothers who are teenagers, to ultra-high income celebrities and professional athletes, the age for people getting married nowadays is getting later and later.

“Men don’t want to share their income,” said James. “They don’t want to pool their lifestyle with a spouse.”

Couple’s Counselor, Julienne Derichs, LCPC, divorce is a challenging social pattern to measure. She says that the key to decreasing divorce include a few key things.

“Keep in mind that education, ability to communicate in a non-violent manner, and level of commitment are all predictors of relationship satisfaction, research indicates that to decrease your risk of divorce, in the first five years of marriage, marry between the ages of 28 to 32 and then again from 45 to 49. Divorce rates steadily decrease from years 18 to 32 then goes up again until the late 30’s early 40’s,” she says.

So perhaps the trick is to marry after 28 and before 32.

 

Or maybe, it’s to not rush down the aisle with the very wrong person.

 

 

See also: 20 Questions Every Couple Needs to Ask Before Marriage